Page 32 of All Our Secrets

Theodore’s gaze slanted. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you remember dying yet?” I asked, crossing my arms.

We had a stare down for a few seconds before Theodore exhaled. “You’re my best friend. Of course you’d be here helping me, but I don’t know why.” He rubbed the back of his head. “When I look at you, I feel…furious.”

There was a reason for that, and deep down, Theodore knew. That’s why he hated that I was here. I did a lot for Theodore’s sake. I stayed as respectful as I could with my feelings toward Peyton because of him—and guilt, of course. But that was it. I could relent no more. The last few years had killed my soul.

“Be mad,” I told him. “I was too.”When you took Peyton. When I didn’t speak up. When you left her alone in this world.

Without another word, I went to Peyton’s room. Easing the door open slowly, I spotted her on the chair, head bent forward.This woman…I strode over. She jolted as my hands curled awkwardly beneath her knees and back.

“Silas! What—” She gripped my neck when I lifted her.

“Shh,” I told her. “Didn’t I tell you to sleep on the bed?”

“Oh my God…” she breathed out as I placed her on the mattress.

T.J. started crying, then, and she stood.

“See what you did?”

“Have you been sleeping in that chair all this time?”

She stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I glared at her retreating form as she scooped up the baby. “How long?” I asked.

“Don’t do this. It’s the middle of the night, for God’s sake.”

My skin prickled. “Have you been doing this since Theo passed?”

“I need to feed my son. Can you leave?”

“Peyton,” I warned.

She swayed back and forth, unable to hold my gaze. “Not always. Just… lately.”

“I swear to God—”

“I won’t fall asleep in the chair again. Happy?”

Walking over to the chair, I pushed it, listening to it screech. Even the sound it made was uncomfortable. “How?”

Peyton sighed. “Sometimes, I just manage. Sometimes, that’s all I can do to keep my mind afloat.” She glanced toward the window. “These warm nights won’t be here forever. I’m waiting on it to rain again.”

“Rain?”

“I love storms. Right now, I want a big one—strong enough to carry this darkness clinging to me. That’s all. I fall asleep waiting on the thunder.”

My heart roared in my ears as she walked over to the window and peered through the open curtains.

“Tomorrow, I’ll move your room around so you can see the heavens if that suits your fucking fancy,” I muttered. “If seeing the sky is what it takes to keep you out of that damned chair, so be it.”

“No—”

“Yes.You can’t keep sleeping there. Your body is still healing.”

In the darkness, all I could make out was her shoulders bunching. “You’re impossible.”

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