Page 121 of All Our Secrets

“You look like shit,” Devin said as he stepped into my office.

“What is it?”

“Give her some room to breathe. Sarah says Peyton cries a lot, and it’s not helping that you’re sleeping in your truck at her place at night. You’re lucky she hasn’t called the police.”

My shoulders drooped. “Peyton’s still crying a lot?”

Devin nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know what happened between you two, but maybe give her some time. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready.”

Placing my elbows on the desk, I leaned forward. “Is that what Sarah said? That Peyton will speak to me when she’s ready?”

“No. That’s some advice from me.”

“You ask the impossible. How can I give her space? I fucked up, and I need to be the one who comforts her. She won’t open the door, answer my calls, or respond to my texts. I’msickto my stomach not being with her.”

And the pure hatred that stared at me through the windows of Peyton’s home every night. Theodore must know we fought. And maybe he knew why. What if my chance for happiness slipped from my grasp while Theodore was growing closer to revealing himself to Peyton? What then? I was so tired of her being in the house with him.Fuck.Ghost or not, the idea of a man near her had my skin crawling. My heart couldn’t take another beatdown. Couldn’t handle the love of my life being with anyone who wasn’t me.Again.

I had to make things right. No more withholding things from her. I had to tell her about what had been happening in her home. She needed to know about Theodore. The only thing she’d ever wanted from me was the truth.

Devin picked up the wrapped sandwich from the desk. “Have you eaten anything today?”

I jumped up from my seat. “I’ve got to go… I need to talk to her. Try again.”

“King, buddy, give it time. This isn’t the way to go. She’s upset—”

“For too long, I let her believe I didn’t care. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure she feels my love. So, no, I can’t wait. Every second is precious. Every second is one I want with her.”

Peyton’s sadness killed me as it was. Knowing I was the cause was like a death sentence. She killed me with her silence. I deserved this torture, but I’d show her how deep my love ran. If her marrying another man couldn’t silence my heart, nothing could.

_______

The best act of love I could give her was space, but I was all out of that. I was all out of patience. I needed to fix things. Making ususagain.

I didn’t remember any part of the drive to Peyton’s house. All I recognized was my fist banging against her front door. Something I did at least once a day before sleeping outside her house every night. I was pathetic. This ritual of mine hurt. Her vehicle was parked outside, but she refused to answer.

I tried to suck in a breath, but my lungs felt full of water. I was drowning in regret.

“Peyton, please, baby, open the door and talk to me.”

My head thudded against the wood as I rested it there.

“I’ve lived with this mistake every day since we met. I’ll live with it for the rest of my life. But I can’t lose you, Peyton. Don’t let me lose you again.”

My chest tightened, and the choked-up sensation creeped into my throat. I closed my eyes when the blurring began.

“Is this what it felt like when I stopped replying to you?” I whispered. “I’m sorry, baby. It’s killing me. You deserved better. I was a coward like you said, but Ineverstopped thinking of you, wanting you, loving you, even when you loved Theodore.”

I wiped my face and took a deep breath. It didn’t help. Each second she was silent was another second I wondered if my heart would stop beating. Everything inside me tightened and twisted.

I tapped on the door again. “Peyton, I miss you.” I pounded harder in case she was hiding upstairs. “Peyton.”

I never expected her to answer, but I prayed she would listen. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but I had to believe I’d get through to her. That she understood my love for her.

“What are you doing?” Gerald’s voice snarled behind me.

“Just… trying to speak to Peyton,” I replied, glancing back toward the door.

I owed the old man no explanation. He and Rosie had been kind to me growing up, but I’d never allow anyone to intervene between Peyton and me.

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