Page 20 of Soul Food

“Good. He ain’t never been there for us, you know that. You’re better without him.” I mumbled softly since I knew how she was when it came to me trying to compliment her.

“You’re a beauty like Ruth,” Jayne added embarrassingly, in her typical odd fashion. “I bet you got all the dudes lining up for a chance with you in this place.”

Ma gave her a moronic look that had me smiling. “Honey, the fellas in here got more problems than I do.” My grin waned when Ma’s eyes fell on me once more. “Leave me be, Ruth, I don’t want your money.”

“Ma,” I pleaded. “Look how far I’ve come, let me take care of us. Better yet, let’s check you out right now and take a vacation. You’re doing great, I can tell—”

“Ruth, you made a name for yourself. You’ve come this far all on your own.” No, I didn’t but no one knew that. “Lord knows I didn’t help you any growing up and because of that, you leaned on someone that stole your lyrics and nearly took your shine.”

“Don’t bring her up,” I told her. “It’s in the past. I’m over it.”

“I’m not. You were almost overlooked because of where you came from.”

I studied her. “Where is this coming from?” Normally, she was all venom and no regret, always trying to shove me out the door. Something was definitely amiss.

“Nothing’s wrong. Just wish you’d leave me alone.” She wiped her forehead and looked down at the table. Ma was in her early forties, yet she was prettier now than she was years ago. I’d like to believe I gave her a reason to do better, but for the most part, I knew it was wishful thinking. I’ve never been enough for her.

I leaned over the table and reached for her hands. She looked up when I grabbed them. “I love you enough for the both of us, you know that? I feel like these years have been working. You look different. Good.”

She pulled away, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. And it must have been more wishful thinking on my part when I saw the water in her eyes before she wiped them. “I didn’t give him your number, but he’s becoming more persistent lately.”

“Who the sperm donor?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “Yoursperm donor. Don’t give him your money. That’s the only reason he’d come around.” She’d given him my information a few times before which proved my point that Ma was different. I’d change my number and every time, I always gave her my new one because unlike her, I was never bothered by that man. I just blocked him and moved on.

I grinned. “Won’t be the first time he’s tried or the hundredth. Why? Are you worried he’s going to give me problems?”

“No.”

I smiled anyway because I knew with Ma some things were the opposite.

______

I turned my head and eyed Jayne beside me in the back seat. I had nothing I needed to do, and although there was so much I wanted to do, John drove us to my house.

Jayne glanced at her phone and said, “Huh?”

“What is it?” I leaned against the door and stared at her.

“Liz seems to be trying to make a comeback.” She glanced over at me. “She has an album in the works.”

“Good for her,” I mumbled as I peered out the window.

“You really don’t care at all, do you?” she asked incredulously.

“No.” And that was the truth. “I’m not eighteen anymore. I lost some songs but in the end, I got what I wanted. She crashed and burned so quickly that I was disappointed more than anything. Besides, I have so much more to worry about than Liz’s comeback.”

Like dying.

“Like telling Amit Kingston to fuck off?” I could hear the smile in her voice, but at the mention of his name my mood dampened.

“Fuck him,” I muttered again just because I could. Hey, it was my prerogative. It didn’t help anything, but it lifted my spirits to curse at those who pissed me off.

“You got his number.” She leaned in. “Want to go get a prepaid phone and prank call the bastard?”

That made me laugh. “What are you twelve?” I sat taller in my seat until I was caught by my seat belt. “Aye, Rupert,” I yelled, and he was already smiling so he must have been listening in on our conversation. “Aye, John, stop and pick us up some drinks.”

“Yess!” Jayne hissed excitedly.

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