My phone chimed, and I pulled it away to see that I received a text from Benjamin:
Let’s go! (with a hundred different smiling emojis.)
Despite the churning in my stomach, despite myself in general, I smiled, then it quickly turned into a frown. “He wants me to go with him,” I abruptly said.
“What? Who?” Once it clicked, she squealed. “Oh my God, how long has he been asking?”
Since before we started senior year. “The last several weeks.”
“And you’re just now telling me?”
“Because I knew how you’d act.”
“Yeah, that’s right. You’re so lucky to have him, Em. You’re crazy if you don’t. Your guy friend is offering something that he wouldn’t offer in a billion years to anyone else.”
“What would I even go for? I’m me. I don’t have it all mapped out like he does.” I paced the floor as I started spilling my guts out. The fact that I was almost out of time, my brain kept saying,Are you really okay with not going?
“Most people don’t, we go to college to figure it out.” She laughed at me like my rambling was hilarious.
“I won’t know anyone. Despite what people think, I hate change and being forced to meet new people.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I’m terribly shy and people think I’m being a bitch when I just don’t know what to say. I have to get to know them first before I can be myself.”
“I know.”
“I hate waking up early.”
“Then try to get mostly evening classes,” she countered.
“I never was good in school.”
“Because you never try.”
That was true. “I’m…scared.”
I could feel her smile in her voice as she spoke softly, “Of what? Ben’s gonna be there.”
I don’t know why, maybe it was the way she said it. Maybe it was because I was tired of saying no to him or looking for reasons to stay.
He wasn’t going to be here. He was going to bethere.
I stopped pacing and looked at the clock on the wall. “Oh my God, I probably don’t have much time left!”
“So, you’re going?”
I ran upstairs. “I think… I am.”
She squeaked then stopped. “Wait, then that means you’re leaving me.”
I smiled. “You said I should go.”
“You should, but I’m still sad.”
“Maybe Benjamin will let you come stay with us when your semester’s up.”
She sputtered. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening. That boy’s terrified of me.”