Page 49 of Just Enough

My present came in the mail. I sat at the table with Dad as he sipped on his coffee—caffeine was his new friend. “What’s in the box?” he asked me.

“My birthday present from Benjamin.”

“Why so early?”

I shrugged. “I sent his early too.”

He took another sip and nodded. I opened the box quickly and saw some sort of purplish clothing inside. I lifted it to see that it was a dress. My eyes caught what was underneath the dress and I jammed it back in so fast Dad lifted an eyebrow at me.

Feeling red, I muttered, “I’m gonna go try this on.”

I rushed to the bathroom and slammed it shut. I was going to kill him. A heads up would have been nice. Why did I open it in front of Dad? I knew it was going to be something outrageous from his text. A dildo though?

A purple one at that. A purple dress. A purple dildo. Gorilla Ben happened to be purple.

This was an otherworldly omen of some sort. This was a sign that they were so skillfully delivered from Benjamin. The cruelty of it all. It was a warning that I needed to accept what I’d been ignoring. I needed to re-evaluate what I thought I felt for someone that I’d thought of a certain way for so long…until I didn’t anymore.

Now everything was blurry…and smothery and uncomfortably achy.

Yes, Emily.

This purple dildo sent from your best friend was doing more to your body than your boyfriend.

And it wasn’t the dildo as much as it was the mere thought of the person sending it to you.

Oh, God.

I covered my face with my hands. I felt ashamed. I had Roger…who I passed on sleeping with lately to the point that even he was noticing.

Benjamin was my best friend. The nasty reality of it all was Benjaminwaseverything to me since forever. He’d always been so many things, my protector, my best friend, my Freddy and Mother Goose, my shoulder to cry on, but never…

Butnow…even sexually, he had me feeling things I shouldn’t, and he was in another state!Just thinking about him had me feeling this way!

I was so awful. How could this happen? How was I supposed to act around him now that I admitted it to myself? I was going to destroy our relationship if he somehow noticed.

The thought had me sick to my stomach.

I couldn’t think about him like that.

Iwouldn’t.

I dropped my hands and spotted something else in the box and there was a note.

Learn your body if no one else can!

Then I saw the finger vibrator that he added. Heat flooded my stomach and sex.

Shit. I shouldn’t.

But my body wasn’t being its normal self, and it was going tonot be normalhowever it wanted toward Benjamin.

______

I didn’t want to go back to the apartment. I didn’t want to have to look at Roger and expect to kiss him when all I could think about was Benjamin. Once you opened such a box as I did, there was no peace and comfort in finding a dark truth about yourself. That truth would uproot me. It wouldn’t allow me to stay a second longer. The thought of staying in place was suffocating.

How long had this been haunting me?

Benjamin.

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