Page 95 of Fall From Grace

“You made me a promise that you’d be the only girl I’d spend my time with if I’d always take you on an adventure,” he spoke over me.

He was giving me the biggest swarm of butterflies in my stomach. “We were six and seven,” I said half-heartedly because, in the end, I held Noah above all others from the very beginning so I knew how little our age meant. In fact, Noah was the only boy—man I ever saw, even now. I couldn’t go to another man and think of him touching me without getting sick to my stomach with just the thought. That’s just the way it was and after being around a ton of opportunities in college, I realized that part me was never going to change. That part of me belonged to Noah before I even knew I gave it away as a kid. My heart and body. Probably even my very soul belonged to the man trying to fix what I broke.

“You have been my dream, my motivation since the moment you climbed up that rope.” He didn’t relent.

“Noah.”

“Don’t pretend,” he yelled before softening his expression once more.

“Don’t pretend about what?”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know that I’ve been orbiting around you since we were kids.”

“I thought that was me with you,” I dared to whisper back.

“Don’t pretend that I wouldn’t try my damnedest to reach up and pluck the moon from the sky if you asked.”

The heat burning through me wasn’t pretending either. I swallowed and searched his face, gazed at his lips before I met his smoldering expression once more. He was trying to bury me with all these words, feelings, and gazes.

“I got another adventure, one I’ve been planning for a long time,” he revealed to me, and the fear slid into my veins as he pulled me to his chest, wrapped his arms around me, and swallowed me with his rugged beauty. “Marry me, Priss. Let’s make every day an adventure. Let’s go on walks. Let’s take naps. Let’s read and do whatever together like we always did before, and let’s do new things like vacations and road trips, anything you want. Let’s be happy.”

I had to get away from him. I shoved him away and turned around and started walking the way we came. “Grace!” he yelled, and my feet felt like lead they were so heavy. My heart was protesting but my mind was everywhere.

“We can leave here, we can go anywhere!” he kept yelling, but I didn’t dare look back to see if he was coming after me. “My home is where you are, nothing here means anything if you don’t stay. I’ll go where you go.”

I covered my eyes and mouth with my hands and tried to keep the tears at bay. Noah was more than likely in a lot of debt, yet I knew his words weren’t empty promises. He’d go wherever I told him to and that hurt most of all.

“Gus,” I called out with a voice jam-packed with emotion.

I turned around and saw Gus standing next to Noah, who was just standing there watching me in the same place I left him. Even Gus knew my heart. He looked like he wanted me to stop hurting everyone too. I turned around and walked anyway. I walked and walked until the hole in my heart grew. I made it to the edge of his driveway. I’d held onto this guilt for so long, would it be so easy to just let it go?

Noah, my feet really don’t want to leave this time.Too heavy, this burden was…

There was something beautifully tragic in the way someone fell to their knees, some held their arms up high, clawing to the surface to get back up, while others picked themselves up slowly, one leg at a time, and the ones that never got back up and drowned their hopes and dreams…Then there was Noah, who was only a kid when he centered his future around me.

And here I was walking away from him again.

So, I stopped and took a deep breath. Sometimes you had to drop all the pieces and let go of all the things that were keeping you from being happy.

I was running when I didn’t want to be. I left once because I thought I should suffer. I didn’t want to leave again. I didn’t want to be without him any longer. My peace. My comfort. My passion. My dreams. My happiness. He was all of them.

“Sorry, Mom,” I cried as I turned around.This ugly feeling I’ve held onto for so long. This unwanted guilt. I’m going to let it go and trust that you’d want me happy with Noah, instead of what my mind wants me to believe.

And just like that, in this smothering evening heat with no rain or clouds, I washed away all the things that held me down and I ran back to where I belonged.

Typical Noah, here I was running back with tears running down my cheeks, and he was running to me so we met halfway. More like collided in a mess of tears and locked away touches. His hands were unsure as they wrapped around me. He watched as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I grabbed his arms and pulled him into me but not without whispering, “It is that easy.” My lips slammed into his, and it was the most amazing sound—his soft, pleading groan when I did.

My feet were off the ground as he lifted me up while shoving his tongue down my throat. It wasn’t enough, it wasneverenough when it came to him. “I love you, Noah, I love you,” I breathed the words into his mouth as I continued to kiss him while he carried me away. “I love you, and I’m so sorry. I needed you the most when I pushed you away, but I didn’t think I deserved to be happy with you after—”

“Shh,” he mumbled across my lips. “I’m going to make you happy, Grace, I love you so damn much.” His arms shook as he carried me. I pushed against his chest so he’d place my feet back down and started tugging at his shirt. He threw it on the gravel driveway as we scooted our feet across the rocks and dirt to reach some unknown destination between kisses. He tore at my shirt and I helped, then he stopped and tugged down my shorts. I stepped out of them and jumped him while he caught me by the legs and I wrapped them around him. He carried me inside where he dropped me down on an air mattress in his living room that was empty.

I made the time between his kisses to say, “Your house is completely empty.”

He lifted his head and grinned. “It’s a work in progress.”

I laughed and brought his face down to kiss me. He made quick work of his jeans and my eyes took in his erection, the mushroom tip, and all its glory, and the need to have him inside me grew worse. He undid my bra and covered me in kisses as I moaned and dug my fingers into his hair. His beard brought on a new powerful sensation that I loved. “Noah, we have the rest of our lives for foreplay, I need you inside me now,” I moaned as he covered one of my nipples with his mouth.

He looked up at me. “I’m going to explode before I even get inside you,” he admitted with lust-driven eyes. “It’s been a long time.” I loved his honesty.

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