Page 84 of Fall From Grace

“I’ll just take him,” I told him.

He lifted his eyebrows like he knew something but otherwise kept his mouth shut. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, let us know when you make it so that we don’t worry,” Rachel told me and I nodded.

I was a hot mess the entire trip back to Virginia. I went from crying and swerving through lanes to nodding and shaking my head, telling myself he was all right. I got so bad at one point that Gus was howling with me, crying because he sensed my distress. The radio was doing nothing to calm my brain.

I was so stupid. Why didn’t I at least talk to him? Why did I shut him out completely?Because you knew there was no such thing as being Noah’s friend, no such thing as hearing his voice, or seeing his smile without landing on his dick like the last time you encountered him,said the crappier version of me I didn’t like.

The darker part of me begged me to turn around and pull out my old cell phone hidden inside my dresser back at the apartment and view Mom’s text and remind myself, she was out on the road again that evening because she was coming to get me, who wasn’t even supposed to be with Noah because Dad had said no. I always got my way with Mom, she always did so much for me, and I lost her that night because of my love for Noah.

How long do I have to punish myself? How long do I have to live this way before I feel like it’s enough?

Only Mom couldn’t answer me. She couldn’t relieve me of this burden like I knew she would.

But now, I realized I could lose Noah the same way I already lost her and it hurt so bad, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t sit still, not even for my guilt.

I just needed to see that he was okay was what I told myself, and once I saw it with my own eyes, I’d go on living without him like I knew I should because my feelings for him have calmed into a small breeze, it was settled so deep inside me that I could hardly feel its presence. Noah and I were over. I was positive once I checked on him, I’d know that I was right.

But please… be all right when I get there.

I arrived at the only hospital in Jewel County knowing this was where they had to have taken him. I called Janet to let her know I was here but she didn’t answer which probably meant she was inside. It was still early, but it was already hot so I scooped Gus up in my arms and ran. I paused at the door and tried calling her again, beginning to wonder if this was the right hospital but then again, I didn’t even ask if he was at one.

When she didn’t answer, I ran inside and stopped at the first receptionist area I came up to. The lady looked up and her eyes hardened on Gus. “No pets,” she said in the unfriendliest tone imaginable which I couldn’t blame her for doing her job, but I couldn’t leave Gus outside in the heat.

“I just need to know if there’s a Noah Phillips that was brought in a few hours ago,” I said in a hurried voice.

“And you are?” she asked as she started typing on the keyboard. When I didn’t answer, she looked back up. “We don’t have anyone by that name.”

I sighed and back away. “Thank you.” I pulled back out my phone and tried calling her again. She still wasn’t picking up. Was I going to have to go to their house or brave it up and call Noah myself? I should have asked what was wrong. My brain short-circuited the moment she said, “it’s Noah” in that God-awful tone that placed the feeling of dread in my system.

I called again as I walked until something smacked into my legs. I looked down to see the little boy fall because I walked into him. His cup landed between us, splattering whatever drink he had across the floor.

Gus wagged his tail at the commotion as I bent down to the little boy. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I told him as I helped him up. “Are you okay?”

He dusted off his butt and looked down at the clear drink trailing down the hall. “Aw, man,” he mumbled before his eyes landed on Gus and sparkled. “I love puppies! What’s his name?”

“Gus,” I told him, fighting the urge to tell him Gus wasn’t a puppy, not that it mattered.

“Oh God, Jimmy.” It seemed his mom finally arrived, dragging along another little boy and a stroller with a newborn. “What did you do?” she asked him as she looked at me and smiled like she was about to panic.

“It was my fault, I accidentally bumped into him.” More like ran him over, but I didn’t tell her that. She smiled and seemed much happier that I eased her worries that it wasn’t her son’s fault.

“Puddle,” the other little boy said and laughed as he started pouring out his drink.

“Dillon,” she yelled as she ran to stop him but she was too late.

The hallway was now an even bigger mess.

“I’ll go tell them it needs to be cleaned up,” I told her and she smiled and thanked me. The receptionist saw me coming back with Gus and gave me the death stare. I politely told her what happened then turned to leave and then never turned back around so fast in my life. The lady was clearly getting tired of my face, but seeing Noah walking up the hall scared the life out of me.

Wait a minute… I turned back around slowly and scooted off to the side as I studied his body. My God, he had grown even more. His shoulders seemed so much wider now and his chest so…What the hell has he been doing?He had a trimmed beard now which was a reddish-blond. “Noah,” I breathed out pathetically where no one else could hear me then I also noticed he was perfectly okay. “Noah,” I growled his name this time.

My eyes landed on Janet and Dean next to him. My eyes hardened on her… That sneaky old woman, she totally fooled me and I didn’t even take the time to ask questions I was so scared for Noah. But why were they at the hospital? Or was something truly wrong? Maybe it was something that couldn’t be seen?

Oh, my God, they were heading this way. I turned around and the receptionist was still glowering at me, so I ended up circling around to find somewhere to hide so Janet didn’t know that I was here. “You and your dog have to leave, or I’ll call security,” the receptionist told me.

I nodded. “I’m leaving,” I whispered, looking down at what I was wearing. I was still in what I slept in! And I didn’t even want to know what my hair looked like. I looked up and saw Janet eyeing me with a smile.

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