Sighing, I gave in. “Was there something you wanted to discuss, Rivan?”
One eyebrow twitched, his voice dry as he asked, “Was there something you wanted to tell me?”
I gave him a baleful look that he returned in kind.
He folded his arms, muscles flexing. “I suppose it’s my turn.”
I looked at him askance. “Your turn for what?”
“For my heart-to-heart with you.” Rivan’s reluctant smile still managed to light up his entire face. “Everyone else got at least one. I should be hurt that all we’ve done is spar.”
I laughed in spite of myself, the sound almost too loud in the cool night air.
“Is that so?” I asked wryly. “So, who goes first?”
Rivan gave me a long look, and my humor faded as a muscle ticked in his jaw, the accusation renewing in his glare.
“Did Bash tell you?”
Of course he had.
“Of course he did,” Rivan said, the anger in his tone giving way to hurt. “You should’ve told us the second you returned from the faerie mound. Though I had a feeling something was going on ever since you came back from that meeting like the world was on fire.”
He shook his head, his long braids falling over one shoulder.
“Have I been that obvious?”
“You’ve been off,” Rivan said with a frown. “Distant. And it only started after your visit with the sprite, not before, so I knew it couldn’t just be the False Prince.” He snorted at my scowl. “Besides, self-sacrifice? You? How entirely unexpected.”
For a second, I saw a flash of him unconscious, blood seeping from where Aviel’s stolen light had cut into his mouth as it suffocated him. Hanging limply from his bindings after the False Prince had nearly killed him.
“You almost died, Rivan,” I whispered, taking his hand. He swallowed hard as if remembering the light that had tightened around his throat, but his hand squeezed mine back. “You would have, if I hadn’t done what I did.”
“So did you.” His voice caught. “And just because I’m grateful for what you did back there to save me, to save our family, it doesn’t change the fact that you sacrificed yourself for us then, just like you’re trying to do now.” I opened my mouth in protest, but he shook his head, glowering at me. “You can’t go through with this, Eva. No matter what. And don’t insult me by pretending you’ve given up on it entirely.”
“You say that like it isn’t a concession to even wait,” I hissed. “Like it’s okay that people are dying because of me.”
“No one is dying because ofyou,” Rivan countered. “They’re dying because ofhim.”
I wet my lips, wishing I could believe that. “I told Bash that I wouldn’t.”
“I know what you told Bash,” Rivan said derisively. “And what you didn’t. I’m not saying I don’t understand. Nor am I going to pretend I believe you’ve entirely dropped it. And don’t think for a second that Bash believes you did either.”
“Rivan—”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Eva. And don’t you dare try to lie to me.”
“And what if it’s the only way?” I whispered, suddenly unable to keep up the façade that I wasn’t terrified. “What if we get under the mountain and it’s too late, and I have to go through with it anyways? Because if it comes down to losing this war…”
“You don’t know that it would even work,” Rivan said adamantly, his grip on my hand tightening almost painfully. “I wish I’d never brought you to that forest. You can’t take any seer’s vision as straight fact, let alone a sprite. For all we know, she led you astray somehow and your death would meannothing.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I hadn’t considered that, not when the sprite had sounded so certain. Rivan gave me a grim smile, apparently satisfied with the seed of doubt he had managed to sow within me.
“Eva…I would’ve died that day in Morehaven. Had you not done what you did.” Rivan suddenly sounded tired, spent, like all the days of ceaseless travel and sleepless nights were catching up to him too. I opened my mouth again, but he held up a hand to silence me. “I owe you a lot more than a thank you for that. And for a lot more than only that.” He turned to me, his eyes softening. “You should know that Bash was a shell of himself after his parents died. He pretended he wasn’t, but he was…joyless. The young Southern King: brave and strong and so very broken. And you brought him back from that.” He sighed heavily. “So please give us the chance to take Aviel down together before you do something so unselfishly selfish as to take your own life. Especially when we both know it’ll mean more than justyourdeath.”
I gave him a weak smile, hastily wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “I already promised Bash the same. But…”
“But what?”