She grabbed my arm, pulling herself up to her knees on the bed so we were nearly nose to nose. Rivan took a step back, his gaze heavy.
“It’snotyour fault,” Eva repeated more firmly. “Youdidn’t do anything.”
“Exactly,” I gritted out through clenched teeth. “Once again, I couldn’t stop him. Couldn’t even get him out of my own mind while he?—”
I thrust a hand into my hair and turned away, unable to look at her. At the bruises forming where that monster had used my hands to hurt her, to hold her down. My body was vibrating like I was about to combust.
“He would have used me to—” I choked, unable to voice the thought to its conclusion. “And I don’t know if I would’ve been able to stop it.”
Rivan’s face had tightened in rage with the confirmation of what had almost occurred.
“But you did,” Eva whispered. “You stopped him.”
“No,” I said hoarsely, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see the pain in hers, even though I could feel it in my own heart. “I didn’t. I couldn’t save you, Eva. Fromeverythinghe’s done to you. To have him use my own body to show me how much I can’t protect you from him is just my latest failure.”
Eva pulled me toward her so our foreheads nearly touched, her eyes searching my face. “Blaming yourself for his actions won’t change anything. Youfoughtfor me, even before we knew what he was, even when he was too powerful to defeat. That’s all I could ever ask from you. That’s all that matters in the end.” She swallowed hard, as something like self-recrimination flashed across our bond. “Besides, giving myself over to him was my plan…and it worked. So I can’t let you hold on to the guilt for my own actions, especially when they were what saved you. Saved our family.” Her gazed darted to Rivan before returning to me. “You don’t get to monopolize the need to save the other in this relationship.”
Her eyes crinkled slightly, and I was struck at how few and far between her smiles had been of late. I reached out and traced that one-sided dimple with my thumb. Her mouth trembled, just slightly, that dimple slipping away.
“I’ve been telling him that for years,” Rivan grumbled. He smirked as I looked at him, slightly startled to find him still there—like in the moment she smiled at me, everything else had ceased to exist.
“Thank you,” I said quietly to him. “I’m sorry that I snapped at you.”
He waved me off, frowning at the bruises still marring myanima’s neck. “I can heal that too.”
“Get some sleep,” Eva said firmly. “We have quite the journey tomorrow, and you need your strength.”
Rivan looked like he was about to argue, but nodded, smothering a yawn with the back of his hand. “Dotry not to find any more trouble before the dawn if you two can manage it.”
He slipped out the door, shutting it behind him.
Eva took my hand, giving me a tremulous smile. “So about that whole monopolization of who gets to save?—”
“Okay,” I interrupted, reaching for the damp towel she had used on me. I pressed a clean edge against the blood drying on her neck, working my way down the track dried onto her chest as I pressed a kiss against her temple.
“Okay?” Eva repeated, immediately suspicious of my quick switch to acquiescence.
“You’re right,” I said. “The False King has taken far too much from both of us. To hold on to the blame for that would be letting him win in a different way. Because he has no power here.”
As if saying it aloud might make it true.
Eva’s eyes danced. “Telling me ‘you’re right’ will get you everywhere though…just so you know.”
“Is that so?”
I dropped the towel, my hand stroking almost lazily down her side, taking my time as I slipped through the part in her robe. I heard her breath catch as my thumb traced a path up her inner thigh.
Mine. She wasmine. And I, hers.
But I paused there, wincing at the memory of his hands on her.Myhands, pushing her down, about to?—
“Bash?”
She took my hand from where it had frozen against her before I could move away, her eyes searching my face.
I forced myself to meet her gaze, if only to show her it was still me. “What if this is only a temporary reprieve? If he regains control of me and…I should have told Rivan to stay.”
Eva was already shaking her head. “He caught us off guard. You’ll be ready if it happens again.We’llbe ready. But if you don’t want to?—”