“Yeah, because we have a son together.”
“I mean, of course, but I also love you, Amanda. I always have, and I always will.”
She pulled her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels. “Where are you going with this, Elias?”
“I want to be with you… for real.” Her eyes rolled and head shook. I didn’t want her to shut down, so when she tried to cross her arms over her chest, I took her hands into mine. “Was I hurt by your cheating? Yes. I stand behind the things I’ve said over the years. It was hard to be in a relationship with you because I felt you wouldn’t allow me to be a man, your man. We weren’t partners beyond being parents. I didn’t want to be with that woman, and I did just want to coparent in peace, kick it as friends, and fuck.” Her eyes closed as she inhaled a deep breath. “But this version of you is different.” Her eyes opened, and Istepped forward. “This version of you is the woman I knew you could be all along. I knew it was dangerous falling in love with your potential, but look at where we are now. I feel safe with this version of you. I feel like I can trust this version of you. I feel like I could be life partners with this version of you. I feel like I could be your man, your husband, your best friend. Your life lover. So regardless of what happened in our past, I’m telling you that I see the changes in you, and if you still want me, I want us to try again.”
“Bookie…” She cupped my cheek. “How can I trust that you’re not saying this because you’re not with Fiona anymore? Maybe you feel this way because that relationship ended and you’re tired of trying to find someone new.”
My laughter was quiet as I wrapped my arms around her waist.
“I can understand why you’d think that. Ask yourself if what I said about you was true. Do you feel like you’re the same woman you were when we first met?” Her head shook. “Do you feel like you’ve changed for the better?” She nodded. “Have we ever been on the same page with what we’ve wanted before now?” Her head shook. “Do you want to be with me, marry me, and have more babies with me?” Amanda smiled. She nodded. “Then that’s how you can trust what I’m saying is true. But until you do, we can take this as slow as you need us to. I don’t mind waiting on you. You know my ass ain’t going no-fucking-where.”
She snickered and licked her lips as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “What if we try and fail? I don’t think I can take finding my way away from you again. It was only for a little while, but when things were off between us, that was the worst.”
“I hear and receive your fears and hesitation. I ain’t gon’ make it seem like we won’t have issues, but if we do this, it ain’tgon’ be no breaking up. That’s something you won’t ever have to worry about.”
Her mouth twisted to the side as her hands slid down my chest. “Can I have some time to think about it? I do love you and want to be with you. That’s all I’ve wanted for a while. I just…want to make sure the risk is worth it.”
“Of course, bae. I’ll prove to you that it is.”
That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, but I knew she wouldn’t just immediately agree to being in a relationship with me, even if it was what she wanted. We both had some shit to work through before we took that step, and our future was worth the work and the wait. Plus, it would give me the chance to show her that I wanted her for her, not because I’d ended things with Fiona or anything else.
35
Amanda
The Next Weekend
When Elias askedme to spend the day with him, I had no idea what he was up to. I figured it was because he wanted to show me that he was about us getting back together, but other than time and presence, I wasn’t sure how he planned to do that. He told me to dress in layers, which excited me, because it meant we’d be together well into the night.
Our day started with a trip to the farmer’s market, where I loaded up on lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. I was a jewelry junkie. I loved going to different expos and markets to get unique pieces from different vendors. As much as I loved buying my own jewelry, I loved when others got it for me more. It made it have more sentimental value. Elias was intentional with that love and got me jewelry from each vendor.
After that, we grabbed a plate of chicken and rice from a halal cart to share, just to put something on our stomach, before the next stop for the day. He showed me several commercial buildings, making me even more excited about my business. Weeven drove by a few plots of land in case I wanted to build from the ground up. Elias told me I could do literally whatever I wanted. He proved that when we met with an architect and talked to him about what I’d want the building to look like if it was built.
Dixon said he could have some sketches done in about a month, which I appreciated. When we left his office, we went to make our own custom perfume and cologne. It was cool because we got to mix notes that were the perfect mix of both of us. The unisex scent had fruitier notes for my perfume and more earthy notes in his cologne. Since we were on the creative side of Rose Valley Hills, we went to the art gallery and bookstore before the sun started to go down.
I wasn’t expecting him to take me ice skating, but that was the last stop of the night. I couldn’t remember the last time I ice skated, and it did not come back to me naturally. It took a few laps before I stopped falling, but the fun was going to be worth the soreness in the morning. We were all laughs as we reminded our bodies of what to do. When we were done, we grabbed some hot chocolate and went to the fall festival since it would be over soon.
As we walked and talked, it felt like all things were right in the world. This was probably the most random day we’d spent together that didn’t involve partying, but I loved every minute of it…almost just as much as I loved him.
While Elias massaged my feet,we reminisced. It felt good being able to look back over our time together and not be filled with regret or grief. The kind of grief that came from mourning a person that was still alive because the relationship was dead.We were talking about when EJ begged us to let him get a dog. He was only seven, and we tried to explain to him that it was a big responsibility.
All he cared about was getting a dog, so we let him foster one for the time being. The poor baby had diarrhea and used the bathroom all over the house. When EJ had to clean up the mess with us, he cried. He said he never wanted a pet again because they were too big of a responsibility and was so upset with the dog, he didn’t even look at Fluffy until it was time for her to go.
“Man, that shit had me mad as hell,” Elias said through his laugh. “Literally.”
“And you slipped on it in the kitchen. I swear I saw steam coming out of your ears at that point.” We laughed even harder at the memory. As soon as he stepped in some poo, he lost his balance and fell, putting his elbow in more. Elias showered for an hour straight after that. I laughed so hard my stomach had cramps.
“I was about to put that lil’ nigga up for adoption after that. His ass in there watching TV while his dog was painting the house brown.”
“Oh my God. Shut up!” I pleaded, holding my stomach as I laughed. “You know he hasn’t mentioned a pet again. I think that was a onetime lesson that he immediately learned.”
As our laughter died down, Elias confessed, “I missed this.” His hand slid up my leg. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”