As if we’d talked him up, Elias called me. I started not to answer, but he would just call again.
“Hold on, cuz. This him.” I ignored her telling me to put him on speaker as I answered. “Yes, Elias?”
“I apologize.”
I wasn’t expecting that, so it took me a while to respond as I smiled. “For?”
He huffed like a child. “You know what the fuck for, Mandy.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
I sniggled and he groaned. “You about to make me change my mind.”
That made me laugh harder. “Elias…”
“I’m sorry for blowing up your spot and threatening to shoot your little friend. Even though I meant what I said, my delivery was aggressive. For that, I apologize.”
“Thank you, baby. Now when did your girl want to meet EJ?”
Elias sighed into the receiver. “Soon, but I’on know, to be honest.”
Sitting up in my seat, my expression turned serious. “Are you guys having issues already?”
“Nah, it’s not that.” He paused for a beat, and I hung on to the silence. “It’s just…something feels…off. Not even with us. Just her specifically. I feel like she’s holding something back, and she’s using meeting the family to cover it up.”
“Hmm…I don’t know, E. Why don’t you just ask her about it straight up?”
“Because I could just be paranoid, you know? I haven’t been in a healthy relationship in—” It was like he realized what he was saying and who he was saying it to.
“If you’re doubting her because of me—”
“Amanda, stop. That’s…not what I meant. I just meant that I can tell when a woman is hiding something from me, and she is.Until I find out, I don’t think I want her to meet EJ just yet. I was hoping you’d say no so I could use you as an excuse.”
I laughed. “Why would I say no? I told you she’s cool. As long as you trust her around our son, I don’t mind her meeting him at all. I do get where you’re coming from though. Until you feel secure and that you can trust her fully, don’t let her pressure you into that. That’s a big step, E.”
He released a hard breath. “Yeah, it is. I think that’s a part of it too. When they meet, this will really be official.”
“Are you ready for that?”
I held my breath, waiting for him to respond. “No…I’m not. She’s meeting Mama and Pops this weekend, and I’m more than okay with that, but EJ? That’s…He’s me and you.”
My eyes watered as I looked down into my lap. “He is,” I mumbled. “But…we can share him with other people too. We have to. Right? That’s…How else are you going to have that family you want?”
“This is crazy, Mandy. I was supposed to be with you.”
“You could’ve been.”
“How? The fuck you wanted me to do? Hold together pieces of you because I couldn’t have all of you? What was I supposed to do with that?”
“I tried to give you all of me!” I seethed quietly, standing from my seat. “You didn’t want it.”
“Want what? The trauma and pain that has had you closed off to everything I’ve been trying to give you for over a decade?”
“I’m not that woman anymore, Elias.”
His laugh infuriated me. “How am I supposed to know that? It’s my fault you haven’t shown me anything new?”
“No, but it is your fault for making me feel like I didn’t have a reason to. There’s so many layers to me and so much I’ve wanted to share with you but I…”