Page 96 of Wicked Knight

I wondered what we would do if we ever argued about the past.

Or if maybe—regardless of our declaration of love—he wouldn’t have chosen me.

The thought weighs heavily on my heart, and those annoying tears threaten to fall again. I'm beginning to irritate myself with the constant amount of times I keep bursting into tears.

I mustn't do it here.

Scanning over the table, I find my excuse to leave when I see the empty plates and dishes that need to be cleared.

"I'm going to start clearing the table," I say to Mom and I push to my feet.

“Great idea, sweetie. Dessert should be ready in twenty minutes.” Mom gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Let’s clear up together."

“No.” I shake my head. “You cooked. Cleaning is the least I can do."

She releases me and I thank God that my mother takes the hint I want to be alone.

“Okay, I'll be in there in a little while to look after dessert."

I dip my head then smile back at everyone else before I start collecting the plates, taking more than I can probably manage.

I make my way out of the dining room, but before I walk through the door, I catch Ryan staring at me, giving me the look a stalker would when they found their next prey.

Ignoring the crazy beat of my heart, I walk down the hallway and head into the kitchen. Once inside, I close the door and crumble, allowing a few tears to slide down my cheeks.

My grandmother used to call these types of tears soul tears, the kind where your soul is aching so much that the tears come so freely you could cry at a whim's notice.

I walk over to the counter, set the plates down, and rest my hands on the edge.

The weight of everything presses down on my shoulders, but I breathe and count.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Inhale, exhale, inhale exhale.

I may not have gained much from my therapy sessions, but at least I learned to breathe.

Straightening, I grab some tissue from the box on the counter and dab at my eyes.

No matter what, I know I mustn't break.

I've been through so much,too much, to fall apart now.

I also sacrificed whatever I could have had with Dimitri for this, for my family.

A little smile plays on my lips when I think of him suggesting we run away.

I wonder if we would've really done it. I was serious when I said yes.

He looked like he was serious, too, but I don't know if running away would've been the answer.

At least he said it. I'll take that to remember him by.

The kitchen door opens, startling me. At first, I think it's my mother, but I get a shocker when I see Ryan coming through the door.

I wish I had a better reaction than freezing up like a frightened deer who’s about to get eaten by a lion. He notices, and an eerie smile drifts across his face.

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