Page 1 of Three Cranky SEALS and a Christmas Menace

Chapter One

It was on!

Come Christmas Day, Mercedes Samson would not be able to call herself a virgin anymore. And neither would anyone else. By anyone else, she meant AnniqueStupidly GorgeousMonroe. Her arch nemesis in all things.

Mercedes wasn’t only just going to lose her virginity; she was going to become a bona fide pro at everything to do with coitus. Maybe she should stop using the wordcoitusif she wanted to be a badass sex fiend. Fine, then she was going to become a pro at everything to do with thefucking—that sounded better.

Oh, she was going to show her step-sister, all right. She might even sendAnnoyingAnnique, a little montage of her horizontal hookup, her slip-slide-slap sessions, her ball blasts, her—

Okay, no, maybe she shouldn’t send her step-sister a montage. She didn’t want her escapades out there in the world in digital form. She already had a future career as an accountant to think of anyway…well, eventually, once she got her life in order since she didn’t know if she wanted to work in corporate and put her business degree to work, switch to law, open a donut shop, become a professional dog walker, or evolve into a nomad.

But yes, the things she had planned…. Holy sex jamboree on a stick. By the time Mercedes was done, AnniqueI’m-so-stupidly-perfect-and-everyone-loves-me-and-wants-to-marry-meMonroe would have nothing on her.

“I think the only sixty-nine Mercedes knows is what she finds on her calculator,” Mercedes mimicked out loud in her step-sister’s voice. Well duh, Sherlock, of course, they’re numbers on a calculator. But Mercedes also knew they meant—

Her GPS interrupted her thoughts with an instruction to veer left at the fork coming up. From there she was only fifteen minutes away from her destination, Bear Balls Cabin; at least that was what her brother called the quaint little cabin tucked away at the foot of the Rockies.

Jeff, her brother—from the same mother and father—owned the cabin, so he could call it anything he liked. But for the purposes of her expedition, Bear Balls would be known as the Christmas Sex Shack, Candy Cane Hanky Panky Cove, or Santa’s Screw and Bone… okay, the last one needed work, but moving on.

She came armed with stockings and stockings full of goodies too. Yes, the festive feast of her flower, the banquet in her bloomers—no, that was too purpleprosy—the party in her panties, her clit carnival––good one––was going to make for a spectacularly memorable two-day stay at the cabin.

And when she arrived back home, just in time for the grand Christmas lunch with her entire family… her step-sister would see all the signs of what she had been doing the last forty-eight hours. Basically, she’d be walking funny from all the happy humping she’d been doing.

Ever since her mom had remarried three years ago, Mercedes dreaded the holidays. Oh, she liked her mom’s new husband justfine, but Beau Monroe came into their late marriage with a fully grown daughter of his own, and no matter how hard Mercedes tried to be friends with Annique, she just couldn’t win with her.

Annique, who was a model, of course, and an aspiring actress, loved nothing better than to poke fun at Mercedes and then put it down to a big sisterly thing. Annique was only one year older than Mercedes, and there was nothing good-natured about the ribbing Annique delivered. She picked on Mercedes’ hair, asking her what she used to wash her hair with, sandpaper? Because her ends were so fried as if that weren’t self-explanatory enough. Mercedes’ ends were not fried, please, and thank you.

Annique always made sure to get her when her mouth was stuffed with a Santa-shaped chocolate frosted cookie, to tell her not to forget to add ‘lose weight’ to her New Year resolution. Ugh.

In the three years she’d known Annique, she received three Christmas gifts from her. All three of them were books. All by the same author.How To Look Good. How to Look Good On A Budget. How To Look Good To Keep Your Boyfriend.

The first year, she’d gotten Annique paid for cooking classes they could do together as sisters when Annique said she liked to cook. Mercedes loved to cook, and she was pretty darn good at it. Annique ended up taking her best friend instead.

The second year, she got her cute, personalized jewelry that had cost Mercedes an arm and a leg, only for Annique to tell her the jewelry wasn’t her style. It absolutely was her style. Mercedes had kept in mind the design of the bracelet that Annique wore all the time. Last year, she’d given up and just given her step-sister a voucher for a spa day that had taken her two minutes to purchase with zero thought behind it.

She wondered what Annique planned to give her this year. Well, if it was another book, titled:How To Lose Your Virginity,Mercedes would hand it right back to her. Been there, done that, and she had the T-shirt to prove it. Literally.

And why was she in such a hurry to lose her virginity? Because the last holiday season, a friend of Mercedes had thrown a party, and it had been there where she met the really cool Grayson Clooney. They had so much in common, and he was truly easy on the eyes too. All he had to do was ask her out—she truly believed they would have been good together.

Still trying to be a good sister, Mercedes had taken Annique with her so she could meet new people in Colorado since she lived in Florida but worked all over the world. And of course, the first chance Annique got, she laughingly warned Grayson that Mercedes was still a virgin—that she was saving herself for marriage, and unless he saw wedding bells in his future with her, he should back away.

Mercedes had overheard the whole conversation, which she should add hadn't only been between Grayson and Annique but half the other guys at the party that Mercedes didn’t know.

She spent the night fuming over it. What a terribly shitty thing to say—she wasn’t saving herself for marriage. Gosh no. She just hadn’t found the right guy to hump like a bunny. But Annique could easily rile her up, and so that had become her New Year’s resolution.

By the end of January, she had a list of names of men she knew who would fit the bill, or in her case, between her legs. By February, she narrowed that list down. By March she decided to go on a few blind dates instead. By April, she’d forgotten allabout her New Year’s resolution to get laid. By May, it just never crossed her mind again.

And then suddenly the holidays were upon her, and Annique’s words hit her like a Christmas tree bauble on the head. She had one week to un-virgin herself before her step-sister arrived for Christmas lunch. And Mercedes had pulled out all the big guns, or big dick, to be theme-centric.

Chapter Two

Deep in thought about everything she had to do for theevent, a heavy frown fell on Mercedes’ face when her car started to beep.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

She was running out of gas. She’d been so engrossed with other things, that she hadn’t checked on the basics, which was pretty much her life in a nutshell.

She forced herself not to panic as visions of her car stopping in the middle of the road, then being wiped out by a truck, filled her mind. Darn it. A whimper escaped her lips. This was it. Death was coming her way, and her tombstone would read, "She died on the way to having sex for the first time."

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