Page 61 of Knot That Delicate

He had claimed Lavender officially a few months after she had escaped. Thanks to a nasty infection in her leg she hadn’t been able to tell him I was alive—he had only discovered thata few weeks prior and he had clearly been beating himself up about it.

Kane’s eyes widened. “You want to be kidnapped again?”

I laughed. “No, of course not. I mean, I want what you guys havenow.I don’t want the wholekidnapping part—unless it’s my guys kidnapping me. I could probably get down with that. But you know what? I feel like I’ve been kidnapped enough for one lifetime.”

Kane grumbled, flopping back on his mattress. “I’m putting a fucking tracking chip in you,” he muttered.

“Well, if you do that, I’m just going to cut it out,” I shot back with a smirk.

Kane groaned. “I’m going to need to get you more security guards, aren’t I?”

Once Kane had finally agreed to leave, life at the Haven became very different. It was peaceful—but not in the way my life had been peaceful before. Not isolated or quiet, like when I was in the basement, but truly peaceful. I was sharing a living space with a sweet, older omega named Fawn. I called her sweet, but she gave me the impression she was downright terrifying when she wanted to be. It was only after rooming with her for a day or two that I learned she used to be Lavender's roommate, which was probably how I ended up with her. Lavender must have pulled a few strings.

Fawn assured me, though, that she was here for me and she wouldn’t report back anything to Lavender that I didn’t want her to.

Immediately, we fell into a routine. There was so much to do at the Haven; the first week or two was just learning and figuring out what I could do with my days. There were exercise classes, cooking classes, and classes on practically anything I wanted to do. I could indulge in pretty much any hobby I wanted to. The Havens had a truly spectacular set-up. If I didn’t want to talk to men, I didn’t have to. I could just spend my days doing things I loved… and going to therapy. I still had to do therapy several times a week, at least that was Dr. Sarah’s suggestion, but I understood why, and I was excited to work through everything.

While I had opened up somewhat to the guys, it was different having a therapist who could understand why I was avoiding things. Who was able to help me root out the cause as to why I was behaving the way I was behaving and what I truly needed.

"Do you think the Haven will really respect what I want?" I asked, turning to look at Dr. Sarah. I was lying on her couch. For the first few sessions, I’d simply sat at the edge of my seat, biting my nails and waiting for it to end. But now, when I went to see her, I flopped down onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling. I might as well be comfortable while I was divulging my darkest desires and fears.

"I think it’s a bit early to say," Dr. Sarah replied.

"But if I hadn’t come to the Haven, they wouldn’t have had a say in who I was with," I pointed out.

She nodded. "That’s true, and I think you’re doing really well. It’s only been a few weeks, and you seem really open and honest about what you’ve been through. But I still don’t quite know what to make of these alphas of yours. Everything you’ve told me so far makes them sound respectable, but of course, the Haven is going to want to do its due diligence. You were smart in deciding to come here, take time, and learn about yourself after everything that’s happened."

I tilted my head up. "Do you know, it wasn’t actually me who wanted to come here for a year? I intended to come here for a few days, maybe heal, and then return home with my guys."

"What changed?" Dr. Sarah asked.

"My guys," I said. "They were the ones who pushed me to look after myself. I’m not an idiot—I could see how much sending me away hurt them. They hated doing it, but they did it because they want me to take this time. They said that, even if I decided, after this year, they weren’t for me, they’d be happy because they wanted me to be happy, healthy, and know what I want out of life before I made a huge decision like this."

Dr. Sarah tilted her head, intrigued. "Interesting. I was under the impression that this year apart was your choice."

I shook my head. "No. While I do agree with it, and I do understand their logic, I hate being away from them. There’s this hollowness in my chest. Urgh, I hate it because IknowI want to be with them, but I also know and understand the logic of why I have to be here and why I have to look after myself. My omega instincts were trampled down for so long. I’ve had so many people tell me that I should listen to my instincts. Especially when they’re telling me that something is right or wrong.

Dr. Sarah nodded. "Omega instincts are very strong and quite intuitive, usually.”

"I know, but for so long, my instincts were muted. I pushed everything down while I was in the basement, and I didn’t let myself feel anything. So, now, when I have finally started feeling things…how can I be so sure I’m right?" I sighed. "That’s why I agreed to do this, all the therapy, all the being away, even though it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest." Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away.

She frowned. "It sounds like you’re really attached to them. We just need to figure out if it’s a healthy attachment or not."

I groaned. "There’s no way in hell it was a healthy attachment. I literally found them while running from a psychopath who kept me locked in a basement. Then we were trapped together in a cabin for several months. There’s no way that’s healthy…but…I want us to find a way thatishealthy because there was something there. Does that make sense?"

Dr. Sarah nodded in agreement. "You seem to have a mature outlook on all of this. Maybe, today, we can talk about how you felt about sharing your heat with them. From what I understand, there wasn’t much choice in that situation."

I groaned. We hadn’t discussed that topic yet. I’d staunchly avoided talking about sharing my heat with the guys, mainly because Kane had been hovering around ever since I arrived at the Haven. But now that he was finally gone, I could talk about it in peace.

I smirked at my therapist. "I see what you’ve done here—waiting until my shadow is gone to discuss this."

Dr. Sarah giggled. "Yes, well, no lady wants to talk about her sex life with her brother hanging around, does she?"

I cocked my head to the side. "I’m not sure. I was sorely tempted to bring it up just to watch him blush," I admitted. That made her laugh.

"But youdidhave sex with the alphas…?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yep, we went through a heat cycle together. For so long, I’d been terrified of having a heat. Alec had been trying to get me to have a heat for years, but my body just refused. Probably because it knew I was terrified, and that was the last place I wanted to go into heat. I don’t even know what would have happened if I’d gone through a heat with a single beta."

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