Page 42 of A Wish for Us

I worked and worked until my cigarettes ran out and my fingers ached. I’d drunk the last of the cans of beer and drained a two-liter bottle of Coke. But when I slipped off my headphones and saw that it was dark outside, nothing had changed inside me. It didn’t matter that I’d mixed tunes that would have the clubs bowing down to me like I was a god.

I was still pissed off that I’d messed up. Anger ran through my veins, ready to burn like lit petrol. I tipped my head back and let out a loud groan of frustration.

She’d had me dropped because I’d hurt her.

I’d gotten drunk after I’d left her. So drunk that I just needed to spin, needed to be busy. The next thing I knew we were at the Barn. I’d downed shot after shot of whiskey to forget Bonnie. So that I didn’t rush back to where I’d left her and tell her it all. She was getting too close. And something happened to me when I was around her. My defenses fell.

I couldn’t let them fall.

Kacey had been at the Barn, clinging to me like glue. When I couldn’t get Bonnie from my head, I knew I needed to be with another girl. But when she was at my door, her brown eyes wide with hurt, I knew I’d fucked up.

It would never have worked. Bonnie Farraday was cemented into my brain.

“How about eight at Jefferson Coffee?”That wanker’s words ran throughmy head at a million miles an hour. I looked at the clock. She’d be with him now. It was nine. The dark pit that started forming in my stomach at the thought of her with Bryce McCarthy grew and grew until, the next thing I knew, I was out of the door and pounding the pavement until I hit Main Street.

Her brown eyes filled my mind, urging me on. Her smile and my name coming off her lips. The imprint of her hand still burned on my skin, and her palms I still felt on my cheeks. The scent of peach and vanilla from her neck was still in my nose.

It tasted of sweetness on my tongue.

I stopped dead outside the coffee shop. I kept my head forward, telling myself to go the hell home and to not do this. But my feet didn’t listen. The pit in my stomach didn’t go. Bonnie was in there with Bryce.

And I hated it.

I gritted my teeth, then snapped my head to the side and looked through the window. Something resembling a stone in my chest dropped when I saw Bonnie at her usual table with Bryce. Her hair was down and curled, hanging halfway down her back. I’d never seen her hair down.

And she looked…I couldn’t look away.

She was wearing the purple dress she’d been wearing in Brighton. Someone came out of the door holding a takeaway espresso. He held the door for me. “You want in?”

I didn’t think it through; I just walked in the door, the scent of roasted coffee beans slamming into my face. When I saw Bryce leaning into Bonnie, Bonnie smiling, something seemed to snap within me.

I crossed the coffee shop and pulled out the chair at the table right next to theirs. I leaned back in the seat. Bonnie’s brown eyes were wide as they latched on to me. Her lips parted. Slowly, a burst of red flared on her cheeks. It was like seeing the sound of a G-sharp note tattooed on her pale skin.

Sam, the barista who had served us before, came over. I flicked him an uninterested glance. He frowned and looked between me and Bonnie. “Black coffee,” I said, then looked over at Bonnie again.

She’d ducked her head away from me. But I had all of Bryce’s attention. His face was fuming. Good.

He leaned closer to Bonnie and gave her a smile. My fingers dug into my palms when she smiled back. My coffee arrived, and I turned my head away. I needed to breathe. To keep it together. Because the sight of them together was driving me mad.

I listened in on their conversation, zoning everything else out. They talked of school. Of music. When Bryce talked about what he was creating for Lewis, I wanted to punch him. But when Bonnie told him she’d started composing her own, I froze.

She’d already started without me.

About five minutes later, Bryce got up and went toward the toilets. Bonnie turned her head to me, eyes tired. “Cromwell, what are you doing here?”

I didn’t like how sad her voice sounded. It was navy blue. “I was thirsty.” Her shoulders sagged and she played with the handle of her cup.

Bonnie flicked her hair back from her shoulder, showing a big silver hoop in her ear. She had more makeup on than I’d ever seen her wear. I shifted in my seat when it hit me that I thought she looked beautiful.

She must have seen me staring. She leaned forward, voice low. “Cromwell. Please,” she begged. “Stop, whatever this is.” Her eyes fell. “This constant back and forth…I can’t do it anymore. You have your life and I have mine. And that’s okay.”

“You had me dropped as your partner,” I said, and she blinked in shock.

She looked toward the toilets. When there was no sign of Bryce, she said, “Lewis didn’t think we were working. I agreed. He allowed us to do the project on our own.” She took a deep breath. “It’s for the best.”

You heard it,I wanted to say to her.No one else has ever heard it, but you did. And you’ve walked away. You’ve let me push you away…

“You’ve been given a gift, Cromwell. A beautiful gift. And when you let your walls down, it’s pure and beautiful…” Her face filled with sympathy. “But you fight so hard. Fight against letting anyone in.” She shook her head. “You run, Cromwell. You run from music. And you ran from me because I heard it.” She took a sip from the glass of water beside her.

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