Page 8 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

Ida ducked her head to meet my lowered gaze. “Are you okay?” I could see the worry in her eyes. The fear that she had said too much, pushed me too hard.

I felt raw and rung out, but I held her tighter. “I’m okay.” It was a lie. We both knew it. And we both ignored that fact.

“Who knows,” Ida said, smirking. “Maybe there’ll be some cute boys going too. To make the trip just that little bit more bearable.”

I rolled my eyes at her bright smile. “Ida, I’m sure I won’t care.”

Ida grasped my hands. “Orforeignboys. Ones with accents and romance running through their veins.”

I shook my head at my little sister as we got up from the bed and grabbed my jacket and luggage. I ignored the trembling of my hands and the butterflies swooping in my stomach. Ida threaded her arm through mine, and weheaded out into the hallway. Mama and Daddy were waiting. Mama stepped forward, worry etched on her face. I’m sure it looked like we had been crying.

“We’re okay,” I said, before she could ask. I squeezed Ida’s arm. “We’re … we’re going to be okay.”

I just hoped if I told myself that enough, I could somehow make it true.

JFK airport was as loud and bustling as I had expected. My daddy led us in the direction of a bunch of people who were grouped together to the side, away from the lines and harried clusters of travelers frantically checking arrival and departure boards. I immediately recognized our therapists, Leo and Mia, from our video calls. Ida still linked my arm, my steady support, but seeing new, curious faces turn to look at me had my nerves skyrocketing and me wishing I was anywhere but here right now. I counted four other teens around my age with their families too. They all looked over when my daddy reached out to Mia and shook her hand.

“Savannah!” Mia said and held out her hand to me next. She had short, blond hair and kind blue eyes. She looked to be in her mid-forties and had a warm smile. Leo introduced himself next. He was a taller man in his fifties, with ebony skin and beautiful dark eyes. Leo and Mia had told us on a video call that they were psychologists who specialized in grief.

My daddy took my bags from me. “Savannah, let me introduce you to the others who are going on the trip,” Mia said. Ida released her arm from mine, and for a moment I almost refused to let her go. Ida met my eyes and nodded in encouragement. Tucking my shaking hands around my waist, I took a deep breath to stave off my burgeoning panic and followed Mia, leaving Leo talking to my parents and sister.

First was a girl with tan skin and dark eyes. “Savannah, this is Jade.”

“Hi,” she said, greeting me shyly and waving her hand. She seemed to be with her father and her grandparents.

“Then we have Lili and Travis.” Lili had curly brown hair and blue eyes; Travis had red hair and black-rimmed glasses. They both waved unenthusiastically. It seemed like no one was excited about this trip.

“And this is Dylan.” Dylan stepped forward and gave me a hug. I froze, unused to being around people so tactile, but then I awkwardly hugged him back. He gave me a wide smile when he pulled away. Dylan had dark skin and the most beautiful caramel eyes I’d ever seen. He was tall and slender with a gentle and welcoming smile.

“That’s almost all of you; we’re just waiting for one more—” Mia stopped mid-sentence. “Ah, here he is now.”

I turned and momentarily stopped breathing when I saw a tall boy approaching us. He had dark brown hair—short on the sides but longer on top—that fell over his forehead messily in thick waves, and a myriad of tattoos and piercings. He was broad framed and clearly worked out—physically fit, maybe a sportsman? He was dressed in all black and kept his gaze to the floor as he followed who I assumed were his parents. I found myself watching him as he got closer. He seemed to be just as closed off as me, and for a moment, there was a flicker of camaraderie in my chest toward him.

“Hello, Cael,” Leo said, and the boy finally raised his eyes. They were stunning. Crystal blue—almost silver in tone. They were the most striking eyes I’d ever seen. As if feeling my stare, he brushed off Leo’s greeting and turned my way. My heart stuttered as he blinked, his long, dark lashes brushing over his cheeks. “Come. I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Cael and Leo stepped toward us. I dropped my gaze but still felt Cael’s eyes on me. Leo introduced Cael to the rest of the group, then finally reached me. “And this is Savannah,” Leo said, and on a deep breath, I lifted my head. Cael stood right before me, and I had to tilt my head to look him in the eyes.

“Hi,” I said, and Cael nodded in greeting. He tipped his head to the side, as if observing me more. His jaw clenched and he wore a stormy expression on his handsome face.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks but was saved when Leo announced, “Okay, that’s everyone.” He smiled. “It’s time to say goodbye to your loved ones, guys.” Any warmth that had built in my face drained as I faced my parents and Ida. My heart immediately kicked into a sprint, so much so it made me lightheaded. I tried to focus on my breathing, on not breaking at the first challenge I faced.

Mama came straight forward and wrapped me in her arms, I hoped shedidn’t feel me shaking. I could hear a hitch in her breathing and felt a few stray tears fall on my shoulder. I gripped on to her tighter and had to battle with myself to let go. “You are going to do amazing,” she said and ran her hand up and down my back in reassuring strokes.

I nodded, unable to find my voice. Mama stepped back and Daddy wrapped me up next. “You call us at any time, okay? We’re only a phone call away.” I nodded, and he reared back, meeting my eyes. My bottom lip trembled, and by the sadness engulfing his face, I knew he had seen it. “I’m so proud of you, sweetie. This will be so good for you. I just know it.” He coughed and pointed upward. It took him a few moments to speak. “And she’ll be watching you. She’ll be with you every step of the way, carrying you through.” His words, although kind, were a sucker punch to the chest.

“Yeah,” I whispered, holding myself together. I wouldn’t fall apart. I had to do this. Ihadto.

“My turn!” A single laugh broke through the darkness of my anxiety as Ida wrapped her arms around me in an almost-suffocating hug. “I love you,” she said simply. I felt those words down to my bones. I was doing this for her. I was doing this forallof my family.

“I love you too,” I replied, sounding much more confident than I felt. When Ida withdrew, she was smiling at me, dimples popping. “I’m so proud of you.” I nodded, unable to speak. “Call and text me. I want to know everything, every single step of the way. And photos! Lots of photos please!”

“I will.” I stepped back, and each footstep felt like my feet were made from granite. I really didn’t want to go. Everything within me was screaming for me to refuse, to board the flight back to Georgia and return to my normal life. But I knew my normal existence wasn’t good for me. And as I took one last glance at my mama and daddy, at my sister, and the tears building in their eyes, I knew I had to be better for them.

I had to be better forme.

Picking up my carry-on, I joined Mia and Leo. Most of the others had already said goodbye to their families. When I looked up, Cael shrugged off his father’s hand on his shoulder rather aggressively and walked away from his parents, a severe look on his face, not even giving them a goodbye. Hecame to a stop next to me, body stiff and mood dark. But I felt his body warmth like I was beside a furnace. On my other side was Dylan.

“You ready, Savannah?” Dylan asked.

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