Page 39 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

“Let’s try anyway. Together,” I said and felt overcome with emotion. The rink went blurry in front of me. “Just for a while, let’s just pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Cael asked softly.

“That we’re just two normal teenagers on a trip away from home. Exploring Norway for no other reason than wecan.”

Cael stared at me for so long I became self-conscious. I was being stupid. Ifeltstupid. My face blazed with embarrassment. What I suggested was impossible. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I don’t know what I was thinking—”

“I’m in,” he said, interrupting me. My eyes widened. “I want to try,” he said, squeezing my hand and making me smile so big that it made my cheeks ache. Cael ran a finger over my cheek. “You have dimples, Peaches.”

“All of us Litchfield sisters do,” I said, meaning Ida, Poppy, and me. I froze when I realized I’d mentioned Poppy in the present tense. But if Cael had heard it, he didn’t correct me.

I ducked my head, cheeks heating, but Cael placed his free hand’s finger under my chin, like he had done that day at the Lakes, and tilted my head up until I gave him my full attention. For a second, I imagined what it would be like if he kissed me. If he just leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

“It’s a pact,” he said and squeezed my hand twice, pulling me from my daydream. “And if we feel the other person slipping into grief, we use our secret signal to pull them back.” He squeezed my hand twice again to demonstrate. “Deal?” he said, and I nodded my head in agreement.

“Deal.”

I was sure what we had planned was unhealthy, that Mia and Leo wouldn’t approve. I was sure pushing aside our grief was like living in a fantasy world, reality always hovering close enough to drag us back. But I was happy to do that.

Just to help usbreathe.

“Cael? Savannah?” We turned to look behind us at the sound of our names. Mia was a few feet away, arms crossed in admonishment, but also wearing a look of concern on her face. “Are you okay? It’s past curfew. You’re meant to be in your rooms.”

I panicked at being caught. In life, I never did anything against the rules. Always walked the line. Guilt instantly assuaged me. But then Cael squeezed my hand twice and I remembered why I had. Cael had needed me. I couldn’t feel guilty about helping him in his time of need.

“We’re sorry,” I said. And I was. But I didn’t regret it. Mia ran her eyes over us, double-checking we were well, and it wasn’t lost on me that she noticed our joined hands.

Neither of us made a move to let go. I wasn’t sure what she or Leo would think of that.

“Then let’s get back inside. We leave early in the morning.” We walked back to Mia, hand in hand, only releasing each other when we went to our bedrooms. Cael looked at me over his shoulder as he opened his door down the hallway and smiled.

As I tucked myself in bed and turned off the lamp, for the first time in the longest time, I looked forward to tomorrow. It was the first time in four years I had felt anything close to it.

And two simple hand squeezes had made that so.

Snow Flutters and Unburdened Laughter

Cael

Tromsø, Norway

THE VIEW THAT MET US DIDN’T SEEM REAL.ITURNED IN A CIRCLE, LOOKINGat the snow-covered mountains, at the wooden houses that were scattered around us—red and brown, the colors of fall leaves, next to pinks and blues and greens: summer tones.

Tromsø.

Early this morning we had taken a short flight north to this town. For a hockey player, it was a paradise. Ice and snow and the bitter cold whipped around us. But the sky was crystal clear. Not a single cloud, the sun bright and blinding.

“Incredible,” Savannah whispered beside me. I glanced down at her. Her blue eyes were wide and filled with awe as she drank in the sights. “It’s like a dream,” she said and held my hand tighter. My lip tugged up in a small smile as I focused on our joined hands. From the minute we’d gathered early this morning to go to the airport, I had threaded my hand through Savannah’s and had barely let go.

We had made a pact. An electric, buzzing feeling was passing through my veins. I had awoken this morning with the same sense of dread I always did. But I had brought Savannah’s face to my mind and managed to push itaside. We had a deal. And I wanted the break from pain that she’d suggested more than I wanted my next breath.

I had fought and fought the darkness that was trying to settle into my bones, until I saw her in the hallway and focused on the shy smile on her pretty face. I had immediately reached for her hand, ignoring the shocked silence from the rest of the group seeing us that way.

The minute our fingers had gripped on to one another, the darkness was pushed back by a strike of pure light. Without words, Savannah and I had told each other that for now, our grief wouldn’t win.

That we’d award ourselves freedom from sadness, for as long as we could hold it off. We weren’t naive. Holding off the pain of missing our older siblings was a temporary measure, a standoff to the invading forces that were too strong to overcome completely. But we would wear our armor and fight them off for as long as we could manage.

We would steal back some temporary joy.

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