Page 36 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

I huffed a silent laugh as Travis pushed by Dylan, almost knocking him off his feet again, when something drew me to look to my left. The square was busy, the rink becoming close to full, but through the crowd of people, I spotted a familiar black beanie and coat. Cael was staring at the rink, a gutting expression on his handsome face.

Any happiness I had found watching my friends disappeared at the look of absolute sadness on Cael’s face. He stood back away from the boards, hands in his pockets.

I blew on my hands to ward off the cold and walked to where he stood. I approached slowly so he could see me coming. When he did, his spine straightened.

“Hi,” I said and stood beside him. Cael’s eyes were fixed back on the ice rink.

He wanted to be on there.

I recalled what Dylan had told me. Cael was a hockey player. Was immensely talented, from what he’d divulged. But he no longer played. The way he was watching the skaters, I believed that in his heart, he still wished he did.

“You don’t want to skate?” I said, testing the waters. Cael’s gaze hardened, and he shook his head. A firm, unyielding no.

I huffed a laugh as Lili and Jade began to race Travis and Dylan. I wondered if those who opened up at last night’s campfire felt any lighter today. Their reason for being here had been shared. They had been so brave. I wondered if it felt liberating to just place your pain in the hands of people who supported you. To pass it over to others in bite-size chunks so that your burden was lessened, and life would seem just that little bit less unkind.

“I don’t know how people do it,” I pushed myself to say. I didn’t want Cael feeling so low. Wanted to try to make it better. “I couldn’t even move my feet without slipping.”

I didn’t expect a response, so surprise made me turn my head to Cael when he said, “It just takes practice.” He met my gaze. “I … I …” he trailed off, fighting back whatever was trying to stop him talking, and said, “I saw you.” He inhaled a long, strength-giving breath. “I wanted to come and help you, but …” His words became trapped in his throat and his pallor turned ashen.

What was this moment costing him emotionally? It seemed to cost him everything to be staring at this rink, to be speaking these words.

I placed my hand on his arm. “It’s okay,” I said and moved before him, blocking the view that was causing him so much strife. “Do you want to grab some food?” I pointed to a cluster of food cabins nearby. He nodded and tore his eyes from the ice. It appeared as though the rink was a magnet to him, drawing him close. But he was resisting the pull. And it was hurting him to do so.

The urge to make him feel better was so strong within me that I pushed my arm through his. I was never this forward. I had never had a boyfriend in my life. I was socially awkward and had no clue how to make anyone but my family feel better when they were hurting. But I felt the same need within me to take care of Cael as I did for Ida. Like I had done for Poppy too.

I wasn’t sure why. But it was an urge I couldn’t ignore.

We decided on the cabin filled with sweet treats. We ordered a bunch of items—butter cookies, almond cookies, and cinnamon-type buns, all things traditionally from Norway. I handed a cookie to Cael. His troubled eyes softened when he took a bite. Color seeped back into his cheeks, and he next reached for a cinnamon bun with a hint of humor on his face. Knowing I’d made him feel just a fraction better was as heady as if I’d truly achieved something remarkable.

We had barely made it a couple of treats in, when Jade, Lili, Travis, and Dylan came running over. Dylan threw his arm over my shoulder. “Hot cocoa?” he asked.

I raised one eyebrow to Cael in question. “Let’s go,” he said and walked with us to the next food cabin. It felt like Christmas again here in this Norwegian square. Like a stolen scene from a movie, a slice of magic on a crisp winter’s day.

It was perfect.

We all went back to our respective rooms after a couple of hours exploring the square, full and sleepy. We were only in Oslo for a single night. Norway was going to be different from the Lake District. We weren’t staying in a single place. Instead, we were moving north. We didn’t know what we were doing or what we were going to see, but I already liked it here. It felt different from what I was used to. That could only be a good thing these days.

In my own room for the night, I sat in the window seat and watched the square begin to quieten. Opening the notebook in my lap—the one from Poppy—I decided it was time to read another page. It only felt right to hear from my sister in the home country of the love of her life.

Savannah,

Just seeing my name in her script swelled my heart so big I thought it might burst from my chest.

I’ve been thinking of how to help you.

I smiled, imagining her with the end of the pen in her mouth, lost in thought.

It made me reflect on what has helped me through these past couple of years. Right up to now, when I have mere weeks left to live.

That line was a punch in my stomach. I hated thinking of Poppy in those final weeks. When she was weak and unable to walk without help. But she’dfound strength to write to me. That’s how much she loved me. My breathing shuddered when I took a long inhale.

Friends. People. Family. Without you and Ida. Without Mama and Daddy, the Kristiansens, Aunt DeeDee and Jorie, I wouldn’t have been able to keep strong. Without the love from my Rune, I wouldn’t be able to face my fate with dignity and graciousness.

With the understanding that it’s my time to go home.

So that is my task to you, Savannah. To allow people in. To allow your beautifully pure heart to be seen by others outside of our family. I know you find it hard to open up. I know you find being in large crowds of people uncomfortable. But we need love, Savannah. When we are hurting and the world feels like it is caving in on us, we need people around us to hold us up.

Love, Savannah. I have realized that my biggest wish for you is love. In whatever shape that might come in. But having you all around me right now, when my days are numbered and my last breath grows near, your love gives me strength to face it. Lets me know I’m not alone.

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