Page 24 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

Above all that, I just plainmissedher. I missed Poppy so much that at times I thought that how intensely I mourned her would kill me too. “I have a notebook,” I said, never taking my eyes from the fire. I felt the heat on my face, the burning wood scent clinging to my freshly washed hair. “Poppy … she left me a notebook. One that she had written in.” I shifted on my seat. “One I’ve never been able to open.”

“And what do you feel about that now?” Mia gently pushed.

My shoulders dropped in defeat. “That I’m tired of fighting it.”

“Do you feel like reading it now or at some point soon? In private, of course,” Mia said. An oil painting of another part of the Lake District caught my eye. It was hung on the wall, and it immediately made me think of the Lake poets. They came here to escape, to get away from the world that was changing too much and robbing them of their happiness.

They came here to spend their final days in peace.

Maybe I was meant to be here too. Away from everything I knew in a place of calm and peace. Maybe this was where I was meant to hear from Poppy again. Here, on a trip to help me move on from her death and hold on to some semblance of life. To remember her lovingly, how she deserved, and not a memory I should be afraid of.

“I think so,” I said and felt my breathing come a little easier. Though I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a pit in my stomach at the thought of finally opening the first page. What would Poppy have wanted to say to me? I couldn’t imagine.

“I think that’s a good place to leave it for today, Savannah,” Mia said. I moved my aching legs and had to stifle a groan. There was no part of me that wasn’t sore. I didn’t really understand the purpose of this part of the trip; all I felt like we’d done was push our bodies to the breaking point. All of us wereground down and depleted of strength. It hadn’t been the uplifting experience I’d hoped it would be.

I rose from the chair, and Mia smiled at me. “You did really well today, Savannah. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” I said and gingerly made my way from the room. I climbed the stairs to my dorm and, with every step, felt nerves accost my body. I was climbing toward the notebook.

I was finally going to do it.

Luckily, Lili and Jade weren’t in the room when I entered. For a few minutes, I simply sat on the edge of the bed and stared at my suitcase that was across the room. It was empty but for the notebook in the zipped pocket.

Suddenly, an arrow of light darted through the window, casting a refracted rainbow onto the wooden floor—one that ended just where my suitcase was placed.

I shiver raced up my spine. I was never religious like Poppy, and when she left us, any belief in a greater power seemed to drain from my soul. To me, we were all made of stardust. And when we passed, we’d take our place back amongst the stars where we were created. But, I froze and stared at that celestial strip of colored light. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck raised like static was flowing around me.

Eyes closed, I tipped my head up toward the ceiling, in the direction of the stars, and wondered if this truly was Poppy telling me she was here as I embarked on reading her final words to me.

I stood and peered out of the window. The sun had burst through the overcast gray sky, its blinding reflection shimmering on the water like a golden halo. The rain had stopped, and the distant snowcapped peaks were illuminated like they were under a spotlight, casting them into a brilliant white glow.

It was … surreal.

Feeling the heat on my face from the winter sun’s rays, I crossed the room and retrieved the notebook from the suitcase. My hands trembled slightly as my fingers met the paper, but it didn’t deter me from what I had to do.

I went downstairs and took my coat and a blanket from the hook. As always, I made my way to the rocky ledge that overlooked the lake. And before I sat down, I stopped and just stared at the sight before me.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anything more majestic than this view. Windermere’s water was calming, the wind was cold, but the sun on my face brought a glint of something that I had missed for so long—hope.

Sitting down, I wrapped my coat around me and crossed my legs. Poppy’s notebook lay in my lap. I lost track of time just admiring Poppy’s handwritten script.For Savannah.

My eyes shimmered as tears built within them. I wiped them away quickly, not wanting anything to harm or mar the final piece of my sister.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Then, on a measured exhale, I opened my eyes and finally turned the page. And I began to read:

My Dearest Savannah,

If you are reading this, I am gone. I have returned home. And I am no longer in pain.

I am free.

One of the greatest joys of my life was being your older sister. I adore you, in every possible way. My quiet and reserved sister with the kindest heart and the warmest smile. My sister who is happiest curled up in front of the fire with a book, low music playing in the background. The one who loves her family—especially her sisters—with breathtaking fierceness.

But Savannah, you are the sister I know is struggling most with my passing. I know you, just as you knew me. We had no secrets between us. We were the best of friends. And I know that my leaving has affected you the most. I know that you will not speak of it. I know that you will keep your pain trapped deep inside your big heart, and that breaks MY heart. I have faced my fate. I embrace death and what comes next with my eyes wide open and joy in my soul.

But I ache at the thought of leaving you and Ida. I can scarcely think of the life that should have stretched before us. The memories that we would have made. The three of us against the world.

The Litchfield sisters … as close as close can be.

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