Page 90 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

Poppy

I couldn’t see the final sentence for the tears pouring from my eyes. Cael’s chest was moving up and down in fast motions, and I knew he had read it too. I turned into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my face into the crook of his shoulder, and I broke. I released four years of pent-up grief against the boy I loved more than life. Cael’s hand threaded into myhair and held me to him. Cael cried with me; he criedforme. He cried for Poppy, and I knew he cried for Cillian, the big brother who loved him so much but left him exposed and without a true goodbye.

Maybe, I thought, Poppy’s goodbye could be from Cillian too. Because I knew Cael’s brother loved him just as much as Poppy loved me.

“She loved you,” Cael said into my hair. “She loved you so much.”

And I couldn’t feel sad about that. Because it was true. To have been loved that hard changed everything. I may have lost my older sister, and I would miss her every day, but she hadlovedme. I had felt her love, and I still felt her love swirling in the very air around me. In the trees and in the earth, in the wind and especially in the stars.

Love didn’t die; it was eternal. It was a tattoo on our souls. A gift that even death could not take away. If you have been loved, even if you have lost, that love will never leave. It will fill your heart and patch over the holes that grief leaves behind.

We just must hold on to it when all seems impossible.

“I love you,” I said to Cael. I needed him to know that. I needed that love to patch the holes in his heart when we had to leave each other after this trip.

“I love you too,” he said, and I felt the truth of that down to my bones.

“We need to make a pact.” I said, and Cael studied my face. “We need to promise to always be honest with one another. To share our hopes and dreams, but also our fears and trepidations.” I put my hand on his face. “If life has taught us anything, it’s that there are ups and down but also joyous and precious moments.” Cael’s eyes dropped. I pressed my forehead to his. “We must tell each other everything … even if it hurts. That is true love, Cael. That is putting your trust onto someone completely.”

Cael searched my eyes, then whispered, “Leo has offered me extra help. When I return home, he wants me to go into a residential facility that will dig deeper and aid me in coping with everything.” Cael sighed—he was weary. “And I think he’s right.” His arms were iron-strong around me, as if I would blow away if he didn’t hold on. “It was seeing it … seeing Cillian do it …” he trailed off.

“Cael,” I hushed out, heartbroken for the boy I loved. “You should have told me.”

His body sagged with exhaustion. “I suppose I didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to worry you. But …”

“But?” I questioned, praying I wasn’t pushing him too hard.

“But he’s right,” he confessed, and in that moment, I was soproudof him. Cael had fought this trip, fought much of the talking therapies. But I realized he had given as much of himself as he could. But he needed to keep going. To be stronger, he had more of the path to walk.

“Thank you for telling me,” I said and kissed his trembling lips.

“Thank you for loving me,” Cael said softly against my lips, which wanted nothing more than to have him pressed to them. Cael may not have thought of himself as lovable or worthy. But in my eyes, he was exalted.

“We will get through this,” I promised. Because I believed in him, and believed that, together, we could face anything.

Cael held me and I held him in the echo of Poppy’s goodbye and his confession. When our tears were dry and only exhaustion remained, we looked up, watching the stars. And I smiled. Because I knew Poppy was up there. These days, that was as comforting as having her arms around me.

Warm Winds and Heartfelt Words

Savannah

Otsuchi, Japan

The next day

ISTARED AT THE GARDEN WE’D BEEN BROUGHT TO AND THE PHONE BOOTHthat sat within it. The sea lay over a busy road, but here we stood, in among a patch of wild greenery, looking at a simple white phone booth. It was old-fashioned English in style. There were benches scattered around, but this phone booth just stood here, rather alone and out of place.

“Years back, this town, Japan, endured a tsunami,” Leo said, and my heart skipped a beat. I cast my eyes around the small town. It must have been devastated. “This coastal town, in particular, was severely impacted. Many people died. The townspeople lost many members of their families in that single disaster.” Cael’s hand clutched me tighter.

“This phone booth was constructed a year before.” Leo walked up to it. “It is known as the Wind Phone. Inside of it is a disconnected wired phone.” I saw the black phone inside. Like something you saw in an older movie, before cell phones existed.

“The man who created it lost a cousin to cancer. And he missed him. He missed him so much that he didn’t know how to process it.” Those words were a stab in the chest. I knew what that felt like. “He felt that he needed aplace to put his feelings into words. And needed a place to express them. So the gentleman built this phone booth in his garden as a way to speak to him.” I frowned in confusion. “This phone was designed to help with grief. It is a direct line to the afterworld and those who have passed over.”

“To understand why this phone booth is significant, it is important to note a few things here about Japan and the beliefs that many people here carry,” Mia said gently. “Japan is mostly Buddhist. And within Buddhism, people believe that the line between this life and the next is thin. They believe that everything in the world, inlife, is connected, and that includes those who have passed away.”

I liked that notion. It reminded me of what I believed about the universe and stardust and the idea that we would eventually take our place back among the stars where we all originated. About our energies surviving beyond the grave, remaining in this life just in a new form. Never leaving.

“In households across Japan, many people will have altars in their living rooms dedicated to their deceased loved ones,” Mia continued. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, hanging on her every word. “They are filled with photographs and mementos of those passed, and fruit and rice and other such offerings are placed before them. People believe that although dead, the loved ones are still tied to their families and must be honored.”

---