Page 11 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

After ten more minutes, the bus that was taking us to England’s Lake District came to a slow stop. I’d sat at the back of the bus so was the last to depart. But as I stepped off the bus’s steps, the sight of the lake before me made me still. It was huge, as far as the eye could see, mist hovering over its surface like a fallen dark cloud. It was like something from an old-fashioned Gothic movie. Boats bobbed in the distance, dressed in the gray fog. Small islands looked haunted with their spindly trees and camouflaged birds calling from within the mist. Mountains surrounded the lake like stark castle walls, and tourists milled about in small rows of shops on the other side of the lake, wrapped in warm winter coats, hats, gloves, and scarves.

I hadn’t held out much hope for this trip. But this … this was something to see. No big stores, no high-rises, no heavy traffic. Just the sound of the lake and the whistling frigid wind whipping around the trees.

“Welcome to Windermere!” Mia said as the driver collected all our luggage from the bus’s compartment, placing it on the pavement where we stood. Standing behind us was a large hostel-type building, made of the samegray brick everything else seemed to be made from in this place. Outside, the hostel had benches and a fire pit with logs surrounding it. It was dark and eerie. And it was completely on its own.

I imagined that was why it had been chosen.

“This is home for the next couple of weeks,” Leo said and gestured for us all to grab our bags and follow him up the path to the front entrance. Wooden rowing boats were docked on the stony shore that surrounded the house, and makeshift wooden swings hung from the branches of the surrounding trees.

As we followed Mia and Leo into the house, we were led into a hallway, then to a large room that was furnished with couches and a TV. “We have sole use of this hostel for the duration of our stay,” Mia explained. Leo began handing us each a key. “The boys will be sharing a dorm room, and so will the girls,” Mia continued. I took a deep, exasperated breath. I was sharing with Dylan and Travis. The last thing I wanted to do was share a room with other people. I wasn’t unused to it; in hockey we roomed with others all the time.

But that was then. That wasbefore. Now, I needed solitude.

“We’ll each be in the supervisor rooms next to your dorms.” Leo pointed to the stairs. “In case you need us for anything. How about you get settled, and then we’ll meet back here in about an hour to discuss what will happen on this leg of the trip.” Leo smiled. “I know jet lag must be kicking in, but believe me, from experience, it’s best to push through as long as you can to help switch to this time zone.”

I rarely slept anymore anyway. I didn’t think my body knew what time zone it even lived in.

Lili led the way to the stairs. The girls started up to the top floor, when Dylan grabbed Savannah’s luggage and began climbing to the top.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” she said, her southern accent trickling over me again. It sounded like she was singing.

“No problem,” Dylan said and dropped it off outside her room.

Travis nudged me as we reached our room. He wagged his eyebrows in suggestion, then tipped his head toward Dylan and Savannah. I stepped away from him. But I got what he was insinuating. And I tried. I really friggin’ tried to not let it bother me, but no matter how much I fought torepel the thought of them together, the twist in my gut told me I’d been unsuccessful.

Ignoring the boulder that was forming in my chest, I followed Travis into the room. There were two sets of bunk beds. I took in the size of them, and then the size of me, and just accepted that I’d be getting no sleep even if I could manage it.

I threw my rucksack on the bottom bunk of one of the beds against the far side of the wall. No way was I even attempting to get on a top bunk. The walls of the room were a generic cream, the bed sheets a rusty red color. Travis followed me, throwing his bag on the top bunk above mine. I gritted my teeth. I was hoping he would have bunked with Dylan. I’d never known a person so oblivious to someone not wanting to speak to him.

Just as I thought of Dylan, he walked in. He looked at me on the bottom bunk and Travis up on the top and walked to the spare bunk. “Just like the Four Seasons, huh?” he said, cracking a joke. I just lay back on the bed, ignoring them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but as predicted, my feet hung over the edge. I was agitated and tired and just wanted to stay here and not deal with whatever Mia and Leo had in store for us.

I slipped on my headphones and turned up the music just in time to block out Travis and Dylan talking. I closed my eyes and just tried to think of nothing until a hand shook my shoulder.

I yanked my arm away and opened my eyes. “What?”

Dylan motioned for me to remove my headphones, seemingly unfazed. “It’s time for the meeting,” he said when I slipped them off. I must have fallen asleep, which was surprising. Sleep didn’t come easily to me these days.

I sat up, trying to inject some energy into my body. Dylan gestured to the bed. “I just about fit. Not great for you though, huh?” Dylan was fairly tall. About six feet on the nose. Travis was more around five ten. At six four, I was used to being the biggest in the room of most people my age. In hockey, I was just one of many.

Silently, I followed them out of the room, down the stairs, and into the main living room. A fire was roaring in the open fireplace. A large red rug covered the stone floor. Framed paintings covered the walls, landscapes from what I assumed were the many lakes and mountains in this region.

The girls were already seated, taking up one of the three-seater sofas. Despite myself, I immediately sought out Savannah. She looked tired. Her blue eyes were red, her peach skin pale. She was drowning in a thick cream sweater that she held tightly to her by the arms wrapped around her torso. She had pulled her long hair up onto a messy bun on the top of her head, and I couldn’t stop looking at the curve of her neck and her pretty profile when she turned her face.

I sat beside Dylan and Travis on the second three-seater sofa. Mia and Leo entered a few minutes later, and each sat in an armchair beside the fire. They were holding a bunch of what looked like notebooks in their laps.

“So, what are your impressions of our first stop?” Mia said, smiling.

As far as therapists went, Mia and Leo seemed okay. But I didn’t want or need therapists trying to dig into my psyche and help me. I just wanted to be left alone.

At least Mia and Leo didn’t seem pushy—not yet. In the past year, I’d been through four therapists. None had ever gotten me to “open up.” I barely spoke in the sessions, clock-watching until our time was up. None of them had ever been able to smash through the walls that had built themselves around me after Cill died. I didn’t hold out much hope that Leo and Mia would be any more successful than their predecessors.

“It’s beautiful,” Jade said, her voice boasting an accented English.

Mia nodded when no one else offered an answer. Leo cleared his throat. “We have designed this trip to help you. Each country we visit is to aid you in overcoming the challenges you have been facing.” Leo met each of our eyes. “Mia and I have an open-door policy. You’re free to come and talk to us anytime. But you’ll also have one-on-one time with us too. We understand, for some of you, conventional therapy has not been successful.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end when I saw Leo’s eyes momentarily flit over to me. Maybe I’d just imagined that. “But we hope this new approach will make you more comfortable about helping you through your individual grief journeys.

“You have all lost someone or more than one person of significance in your life. We won’t push you to share with the group who those people are. We do, however, encourage you to bond, to share your personal pain, but howmuch you confide is up to you. You are all in the same boat, and peer support can be life-changing in terms of your own path to healing. But please know, we are here for you.”

Mia smiled, and I caught Savannah’s shoulders relax. Seemed she liked to talk about whoever she’d lost about as much as I did.

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