Page 79 of Good Pucking Luck

Right after everything went down, I would have loved to hear him say that. Wanted to find out it was some kind of mistake. That he chose me, wanted me. But as I stand here and look at him, I can’t figure out why I’d needed him to want me so much. He never made me feel good, not the way Rylan does. Sure, Ry’s not perfect, and I don’t totally know where we stand, but Rylan has always been good to me. He builds me up instead of tearing me down. He enjoys spending time with me. I turn him on. I make him laugh.

Those truths do their job, breaking through the walls I’ve fortified inside myself. The ones that tell me I’m not worth it, the ones that assume the worst when it comes to Rylan because I’ve spent my life with low self-esteem and that’s why Malcolm targeted me. He chose me because he’s a terrible person andpreys on others, and there isn’t and has never been anything wrong with me.

And I’m so damn tired of telling myself there is.

I’m so damn tired of expecting the worst. Of accepting bad behavior. Of being afraid to show what I want and taking control. There have been times I’ve done it with Rylan, but the fear always creeps back in, and standing here, looking at Malcolm, I decide I’m not going to fall back into that habit. That I want more, and the only person who can make that happen is me.

Not him. Not even Rylan.

And despite really, really wanting Rylan and being crazy in love with him, if we don’t work out, that won’t be because there’s something wrong with me either.

Clarity is fuckingawesome.

“No, you don’t miss me. You miss the person I used to be, the one you tried to keep me. You miss the person you want me to be, not because there’s any kindness in your heart either, but because you want control. You want to feel powerful, and hurting other people makes you feel that.” I shake my head and shrug. “I’m not playing your game anymore, Malcolm. I don’t need or want someone like you in my life. I have this really great guy, sweet, sexy, caring, and I still can’t help doubting him all the time—and more than that, I can’t help doubtme, and I can’t blame that totally on you. I was like that before I met you, but you groomed that part of me. You watered it and made it grow. And now I’m digging out those roots. I don’t need them, and I don’t need you. Don’t ever come here again.”

Malcolm looks at me, fire in his eyes, and laughs. “You have this really great guy? I find that hard to believe. You were always my least favorite. I’m sure it’s the same with him.”

Briefly, his comment stabs all my weak spots, but that’s normal, that’s human. I don’t believe that about Rylan for asecond. “Then I’ll be okay on my own. I’m a good person, and that’s what matters.”

With my head held high, I open the door and walk away from Malcolm, feeling stronger than I ever have.

When I get into my apartment, the first thing I do is shoot a message to the Jilted Exes…to my friends.

Me: Just came home. Malcolm was here. I stood up to him. It felt fucking amazing!

Donovan: So proud of you!

Anthony: Fuck yes! You don’t need him. None of us do.

No, no we don’t. We’ll be happier than he’ll ever be.

Me: Thank you both for contacting me and for being such good friends. I’ve…never had that before.

Donovan: You have it now.

Anthony: We have your back. Jilted Exes for life.

I smile. Maybe I shouldn’t like the name, but I do.

Me: Jilted Exes for life…except, you know, hopefully with superhot boyfriends in the future.

Speaking of superhot boyfriends, I have a voicemail to listen to, and regardless of what it says, no matter how much I love Rylan, I know I’ll be okay.

“Hey, baby…it’s me. I’m a fucking idiot. Please don’t hold it against me. I wasn’t thinking what kind of message I was sending you when I canceled on meeting the guys. I want you. I’ll always want you. Can we talk when I get home?”

I smile. Somehow, what I thought would be one of my worst days is shaping up to be one of my best.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Rylan

I’m not sureI’ve ever been so excited to get home from a road trip. It’s been torture being away from Hayes now that I realize what an idiot I am. Clearly, Mads is better at emotions than I am.

As soon as we get back, we have a quick team meeting before I go home. Hayes should be here soon, so I take a shower, then pace my living room because there is absolutely no way I can sit still.

We’ve texted back and forth the past few days but haven’t talked about anything important. I think both of us knew we needed to have this conversation in person.

My heart jumps the second I hear his familiar knock on the door, and I rush over, tugging it open to see his adorable, shy smile. I take in his smooth face and his hair that always looks so neat. His brown eyes that remind me of honey. The dramatic thing happens again because I legit feel wobbly on my feet just looking at him. “I’m in love with you,” I blurt out. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

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