Page 47 of Good Pucking Luck

“Because you told me that,” he replies, and oh, well, I did. “But that’s okay because I don’t want a relationship with youeither,” Hayes adds, and my chest feels a little heavy all of a sudden.

“We’re getting off-track again. This isn’t about a relationship. People who are fucking can hold hands. Tell me more about your night.”

“I was trying to, but then things got weird.”

I laugh. “Things aren’t weird.”

He sighs. “I’ve just never done something like this.”

How has no one realized how fucking adorable and sweet he is? I can’t believe someone hasn’t snatched him up earlier, that the only one to give him a chance was an asshole who hurt him. “Do you want me to let go of your hand?”

“Whatever. It’s fine. So…the most important takeaway from my conversation with the Jilted Exes is that it wasn’t me who was bad at sex.”

I realize he’s changing the subject and don’t make it any more difficult on him. “I could have told you that. You’re the hottest ass I’ve had, and I haven’t even had your ass yet.”

He shakes his head in that way he does when he thinks I’m not being serious. “I don’t know why you say things like that.”

“Because they’re true.”

“Yeah. Sure. Okay. Anyway, I…I can’t figure out what you want me to say. I’m not used to talking to people like this. I guess it was nice to be around them since they’ve had the same experience as me—not that I’d want anyone to go through what I did. Malcolm did a lot of the same things to all of us, made us all feel the same way. But…” He lets the word linger, and I notice he’s massaging circles on my hand with his thumb. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it, and it feels intimate in a way none of the other things we’ve done together have felt intimate.

“But what? You can tell me.” I want him to tell me, want to be a good friend to him.

“He’s called both of them.” Hayes pulls his hand back. I miss the contact, the warmth. “I know that’s stupid to care about. I don’t want to talk to him. I fucking hate him. But…”

I cup his cheek, brush my thumb along his cheekbone the way he’d done to my hand just moments ago. Fire burns through my veins. I fucking hate The Prick, but I’m trying to keep that tamped down right now because it’s not what’s important. “But part of you still feels like, why not me too. That’s normal, Hayes. We’re humans, and our emotions are complex and confusing. They don’t always make sense, but we all want to be wanted. Even if the other person is the biggest piece of shit on earth—which he is, by the way.”

He gives me the small smile I was hoping for.

“Fuck Malcolm.”

Hayes nods. “Yeah. Fuck him. Sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.” He looks away, maybe embarrassed and maybe confused. I also think a part of him needs to keep the walls up because of what he’s been through.

“Because that’s what friends do.” I drop my hand and ask, “Anything else happen?”

“Anthony invited us out to the bar he works at one night. I probably won’t go, though.”

“What? You should. That would be fun. You need to get out more. I’ll go with you if you want.”

He frowns, and at first I think it’s because he’s surprised by my offer, but then I realize it’s because of the media storm we’d create if we were seen together. It’s something we talked about before, but I forgot. “I didn’t think that through.”

He shakes his head.

“You should still go.”

“We’ll see. He didn’t even pick a date yet. It was just a random conversation.” We’re quiet for a moment, and thenHayes says, “It doesn’t matter? That you’re bisexual and a professional hockey player?”

“It’ll always matter to some people, whether it’s in sports or not, but as a whole, it’s been okay. I get assholes saying shit online or once in a while at games, but mostly they forget I’m bi since I don’t date. And it probably helps that we’re in LA and Mads is bi, too.”

“He’s the blocker guy?”

I chuckle. “Yeah, he’s the goalie.”

“Were you nervous when you came out? Are there a lot of out players?”

“Not a lot, but a few, and I think there are always nerves coming out. Even if you know someone is accepting, it can be scary. Wasn’t it that way for you?”

“You’re right. It was. I couldn’t hide it as well as you can, but even though my brain knew my parents wouldn’t give a damn, my heart was too frightened to allow me to say the words the first time. I just figured it would be on an even bigger scale with you.”

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