Page 72 of Tangled in Knots

ADIRA

I’m up around seven in the morning, unable to stay asleep. I feel wired, but unsure as to why. Grabbing my toiletries in their little mesh carrying bag, clothes, and a towel after making my bed, I open the door to find people are starting to get up.

Others are chatting with each other with their doors open. There’s a feeling of camaraderie that fills the shelter with life.

I’m aware that when I don’t smile, I appear aloof. Some may even call it a resting bitch face, but smiles don’t feel as if they should exist on my face. Maybe one day soon.

I didn’t smile much before unless I was reading something humorous. My life has always been kind of lonely outside of the daily routine my father set for me.

A few of the omegas stop to glance at me as I begin to walk to the bathroom, but don’t say anything.

“Really?” a girl mutters with a cute toddler on her hip. “Hey, you’re new right?”

“I am,” I say warmly. Just because I don’t smile, doesn’t mean I’m a bitch. “I got in in the middle of the night.”

“What?” a girl says, stepping forward. She has a no nonsense braid over her shoulder, pretty flowered overalls and a long-sleeved mesh bodysuit underneath it. She looks like spring, and I’m here for it. “I didn’t think they took people that late.”

“Emergencies don’t only happen in the daylight,” I say without thinking.

The girl blinks before nodding. “No, you know what, you’re right,” she mutters. “I’m River. I’m glad you’re here and not wherever you were before. This place is amazing.”

“Thank you,” I say appreciatively. “I’m Adira, and I’m really glad she opened the door.”

“You didn’t call?” the girl with the baby asks. He is staring at my hair, that’s probably a curly mess, while I shake my head.

“No phone,” I answer her. “I was completely prepared to sleep outside.”

Swallowing hard, she glances at her son and I wonder what her story is for a moment.

“My name is Meaghan and this is Benji,” she says. “I, for one, am very glad you didn’t sleep outside. It’s been too cold for that.”

People move out of my way so I can get to the bathroom, and I nod. “Thanks,” I say softly.

Slipping into the bathroom, I find to my surprise that it’s a large communal space and I freeze, unable to breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Maybe I don’t need to brush my teeth or do anything ever again.

Gasping in a sob, I close my eyes as I think about the auction house and the bathroom I was in before. While not exactly the same, it’s close enough to trigger me.

My back hits the wall and I slowly slide down until my face lays on my knee. Curled up, I struggle to get my breath under control. I’m safe, I’m not at the auction house, I will never be again.

I don’t know how much time passes by, but it couldn’t have been long, because no one comes in. I can hear people outside chatting, and I force myself to look up and glare at the bathroom.

Not the same, I tell myself before getting up shakily. The bathroom has a locker room type of set up, and it’s absolutely beautiful for a shelter. There is a long row of sinks, then another of toilets with doors that close, and on the other end there is a row of showers.

I find there is a solid door on each shower stall, as well as a little bench just inside of the doorway for me to change at and hold my clothing.

Stepping inside, I lock the door and put my things down, so I can undress. My face is still wet with tears and I sniffle as I turn on the water in the shower. Making sure the temperature is right, I slip inside to wash my hair and body.

I lose myself in my thoughts as I shower, worried about the way I reacted to the bathroom situation. I don’t know if it was the shock of it, or if things would have been different if I’d known.

Either way, the responsibility for my response sits firmly on my own shoulders.

I don’t know what is going to trigger a response or not. All I know as I shut off the water, is that it’s not going to be fun wading through it all.

Opening the shower curtain, I breathe a sigh of relief as I find my clothes are still there. Grabbing my towel, I dry off, shaking my head as I do. I don’t know why I suddenly had a worry that I wouldn’t.

I was homeschooled, so I had no experience whatsoever in a normal school environment. The only experience I have is through bullying in movies where they steal people’s clothing.

Stepping out of the shower, I quickly get dressed, thinking about how I need to find shoes soon. I may begin to feel a little more normal once I have them. Careful of any sort of wet spots, I gather up my toiletries after drying them thoroughly and put it all away.

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