Page 71 of Crave Me

“I’m sure you could tell how surprised I was, a little jealous imagining you there without me and everything you’ve probably experienced, but I want to go back.”

“Princess, I don’t remember life before you, none of that matters. My heart started beating the moment I walked into Sawyer’s office and saw you sitting there.”

She blushes, crimson spreading across her pretty face and making her freckles pop.

“You’re a sadist,” she jokes.

“You really want to go back?”

“I do.”

“I’ve been doing research on what you told me, about BDSM and how it can work to heal past trauma. You’ve never been triggered with me or by anything we do?”

Her eyes fill with unshed tears, making the dark blue of her irises look like the depth of an ocean.

“Baby, don’t cry. I didn’t tell you that to make you sad.”

“That means so much to me, that you seriously took time to look into that. No, I never have. You make me feel safe, I feel powerful in the sexual moments with you, and at night when I sleep next to you, you?—”

“Chase your demons away.”

“Yeah. You do.”

The fucking gratification that fills my chest knowing that I can provide her relief from her past does something to me.

“Is there anything you want to try?”

“I think so. But I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Nothing would freak me out. I promise you. It could be anything.”

She chews on the inside of her cheek nervously and I wait patiently, not feeling an ounce of worry over what her request will be. I would do anything she needed to take control back.

“My nightmares are specific because it always happened at night. He would sneak into my bedroom when I should be sleeping, and I would lay there terrified, wrapped in my blankets, waiting, wondering if that night was going to be the night he’d come in again. It was always inconsistent, so I never knew. It was torture. All of it.”

The rage inside me boils, threatening to overflow hearing the details of what my baby survived. Without her continuing, I know exactly what she’s asking, what she needs, and I won’t make her finish.

“Give me a key to your apartment. You don’t want to know when?”

She shakes her head no.

I’m not usually into dubious consent, I’ve played around with it once or twice, but there’s nothing I won’t do for her, and if this will help her heal from her past trauma in a controlled, safe environment, it’s easy for me to go through with it.

“I understand, just remember your safe words and that you’re in control the entire time. I would never hurt you.”

“I know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

Her words mean more to me than she knows, and I don’t know how to tell her. Being away from her for a few days is going to suck. I usually look forward to our annual boys’ trip all year long. Two days at Mount Baker, just the four of us, snowboarding, drinking beer, and chilling. We live on the slopes all day and sit by a fireplace at night and catch up, leaving the distillery back in Aspen Ridge for a few days to clear our heads.But this year? This year I have somewhere else I want to be. Someone here I don’t want to leave.

“I told you that I’m leaving for a few days, right?”

“I think you mentioned it and I’ve heard your brothers talking about it. Two days?”

“Two and a half-ish, but two nights away. We go every year the first week in February. It’s a tradition I can’t get out of, trust me, Sawyer tried.”

“He doesn’t want to leave Ivy, huh?”

“Never. Especially since she’s pregnant. I think in a month or so he’ll start working from home. I know he plans to take a while off after the baby is born.”

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