Page 99 of Designs on You

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe what I’m trying to tell you is that just a regular trip to the beach satisfies me. Everything doesn’t have to be so…” She looked around. “Extravagant.”

“Uh-huh. Why? Because you feel like you don’t deserve it?”

Her earlier mood had returned, and she didn’t understand why she was pushing this. “I guess because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of…what exactly?”

“I don’t know. This has all been amazing. Relaxing. Beautiful. But it’s not real life, Eugene. Not my life, anyway. My life is hectic schedules and kids and now a dog and trying to juggle all of it, and sometimes I don’t do it all that well. My real life is not this idyllic fantasy where it’s just the two of us wrapped up in each other.”

“Of course you know that, and so do I. But you’re entitled to get away and indulge every once in a while, aren’t you?”

She started to object, then realized she was pushing against the whole idea of enjoying herself, of letting her guard down and just letting herself be, which was utterly asinine.

She rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry. I’ve been in a weird mood all day. I’ve enjoyed the hell out of this trip, and I think I’m being cranky because it’s almost over.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “Now that I understand. Who wants real life when you can have all this? If we were all gazillionaires, it’d be like this every day.”

“I don’t know.” She took another sip of her wine, then said, “I think having an experience like this every once in a while makes me appreciate it more. I wouldn’t want to be a gazillionaire. I’d take all this for granted.”

They perused the menus, and when their server returned, they ordered.

Her phone buzzed. She picked it up, then slid it back into her bag.

“Anything important?” he asked.

“No. It can wait.”

“Kids are okay?”

She nodded. “They’re fine. That was work stuff.”

He studied her, giving her a smile as he watched her tap her fingers on the table.

“What?” she asked.

“Are you anxious to get home? Get back to work?”

She didn’t want him to think she was ungrateful for the trip. “Yes and no. I mean, I miss the kids, of course, and the last week of school is next week, so there are things that need to be done and I need to be there for them. I want to be there for them.”

He gave her a smile. “Home means a lot to you.”

“Home is my kids. My sister. My mom. I’m sure it’s the same for you. Minus the kid thing, of course.”

“Right.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. My home hasn’t really been a single place since I left for college. I’ve lived all over since then, with occasional visits to where I grew up to see my mom and brothers. So I don’t know exactly what home means anymore.”

Her heart ached at his words. “That’s sad, Eugene. Everyoneneeds to feel like they have a home.” She reached over and laid her hand over his heart. “A place where you feel it here.”

He didn’t answer, just looked at her.

Had she overstepped, said something that hurt him?

“Eugene, I—”

Their server brought their food, so whatever had been going on in his head was put aside—at least temporarily. Eugene seemed to act normally while they ate and shared bites of their food. She had salmon and he had lobster, and both were amazing. And it wasn’t like conversation had stopped between them, but the emotional, more personal stuff had apparently been tabled. They’d rehashed their entire trip, picking out favorite things they’d done.

“I think for me it had to be the baseball game,” Natalie said. “So much fun.”

Eugene slipped a forkful of rice between his lips. After he swallowed, he said, “Gotta be the sex for me.”

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