Page 94 of Keep Me

“Yes.”

“I had no idea it was this big,” she murmurs to herself.

“This runs right out to the sea,” I reply, pointing to the river ahead of us. “It makes me feel more connected to the rest of the world,” I add, unsure why I need to be so open with her. My hand grips around her waist. “I sometimes come out here just to stare at the current, watch as it leaves.”

She’s silent for a while before carefully speaking. “Why don’t you leave? You could go too, you know?”

I swallow down the discomfort building in my throat. “Where would I go? I belong here.”

“You could go wherever you want, Killian. You could leave your sister and this house behind and live your own life.”

My hand tightens around her. “And where will you go?”

I hear her exhale softly. “I don’t know, Killian.”

“Come with me, and we can go anywhere.” It’s foolish of me to try, but I have to. I still don’t understand, after everything we’ve been through, why this woman still wants to hold me so far away. As ifnothingbetween us is real.

“It’s not that easy,” she whispers.

“Yes, it is. I’m your husband. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

“For what? For how long? What happens when this year is up?” Her voice is growing frantic, and I’ve come to learn the sound of Sylvie getting caught up in her emotions. I’m doing exactly what I’m not supposed to be, spooking her with talk of the future and our feelings, but I can’t take it anymore. Shehasto know how I feel about her—how I feel aboutus.

“I’ll have our house for good, then,” I say in a pleading tone. “My aunt will be off our backs, and we can do whatever we want.”

She lets out a defeated sound as she places her face in her hands. “Killian.”

My jaw clenches. Is this her way of letting me down? Am I really so wrong about these feelings that she truly doesn’t feel them too?

“It’s all in my head, then,” I reply with a frustrated grunt. “You really do feel nothing for me.”

Her head lifts, and I see a tremble in her lips. “I didn’t say that.”

“Then, what are you saying, mo ghràidh?”

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me all of this right now? Why do I have to decide?”

I feel her body shivering against me just as the clouds start to drop a heavy mist on us. Guilt assaults me for being too hard on her, too desperate to know I’m not alone in this.

“It’s okay, darling,” I whisper with my lips against the side of her head. “Let’s just go back home.”

As we make our steady walk back to the house, the rain picks up from a light drizzle to a slow fall. When we reach the farm, I quickly put Moire back in the stall and shut the door. Sylvie is standing under the roof of the barn, watching the rain. Judging by the look on her face, she’s deep in contemplation and downright worried. It makes me feel like shite for bringing the whole thing up in the first place.

She has only been here for eight months. That’s fast for any relationship, especially a marriage. It’s ridiculous of me to be pressuring her to be married to me beyond the contract we initially set out.

But as I approach her from behind to apologize, she quickly spins toward me and grabs my face in her hands. It takes me by surprise, so I pull back to stare into her eyes.

“Fuck the house, Killian. Fuck this stupid contract. Let’s just blow it all off and go away together.”

My eyes widen as I stare at her in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“You said you would take me anywhere I want to go, so let’s give the house back to your aunt now and go somewhere!”

My hands cover hers as I gaze into her eyes skeptically. “Sylvie, I meant on a holiday. I’m not giving my house to my aunt.”

Her face morphs into an expression of defeat as her lips close, and she stares up at me with sadness.

“Fine,” she whispers. “Then…just kiss me.”

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