Page 58 of Keep Me

Chapter Nineteen

I toss and turn all night. Even though I had my release, I still feel strung tight. Everything between my legs is red and sore from the scratch of his beard. All night, I find myself touching it, exploring the sensitivity, and remembering what it felt like to have him down there.

The warmth of his mouth. The friction of his tongue.

It’s all too much, like it’s overloaded my system.

And one thing that keeps barraging my mind like a storm is the question of why. Why would he kiss me? Why would he touch me? Why on earth did he make me see stars on that staircase without wanting a single thing in return?

He had me feeling so guilty in the car for making him worry. And at the time I was feeling heated and defensive. Now, I’m seeing it clearer. Killian worried because he cared, and I have literally never felt such concern in my entire life.

Have his feelings for me changed?

Have mine?

Getting tangled up in our emotions is a bad idea. Killian still has no idea that being married to me will result in him losing his house. If I start feeling things for him, then I’ll have to startdealing with things like guilt and responsibility. And I’d like to avoid those.

The space between us now feels so potent. Every single inch from my bed to his down the hall might as well be nothing at all. It’s like I can just reach out and touch him, but I don’t. The thought of tiptoeing into his room crosses my mind all night.

What would I even do? Crawl into his bed uninvited? Just climb on his dick like a cat in heat?

What we did today feels like peeking over a wall before quickly returning to our opposite sides. And I’m not going to lie. After today, I want to go back over that wall. I want more. Not just because the orgasm was great but because, for a moment, I didn’t feel so alone.

But I won’t. I can’t. Getting physical is a bad idea if I want to keep my eyes on the prize. I need to get through this year and get my ten million so I can live the rest of my days in peace.

Don’t do anything stupid, Sylvie.

It’s sometime after three in the morning that I finally jump out of my bed, unable to take it anymore. I march angrily down the hall and burst into his room without a single idea of what I’m doing.

He’s sleeping peacefully in his bed, lying motionless on his back. He doesn’t even stir when I slam the door behind me.

I walk right up to his bed and poke him in the chest. “Hey!” I bellow.

He wakes with a start. When his eyes focus on my form standing near his bed, he lets his eyebrows fold inward with a scowl. Then he turns away from me and closes his eyes like he’s going back to sleep.

“Killian!” I shriek as I shove him again.

“What do you want, wife?” he shouts.

I’m hot with anger, and I let it come flying out of my mouth. “Why did you do that?”

Turning back toward me, he holds his hands up. “Do what?”

“On the stairs,” I reply, exasperated.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he says as he sits up and rubs his eyes.

“We’re not doing that, you know? We’re not a real couple.”

I hear myself. I sound flustered, but right now, Ifeelflustered. One moment Killian said I meant nothing to him, then he was yelling at me, and then suddenly, he was tongue fucking me. I don’t know if this is what gaslighting is, but I certainly feel like I don’t know my own mind anymore. He’s infiltrated it with desire and passion, so I don’t know where the hatred ends and lust begins.

He scrubs a hand over his face as he lets out a groan. “What on earth are you going on about? We’re not doing what? It was just sex, Sylvie. Would you relax?”

“No,” I snap. “Because I didn’t know you and I were…doing that, and it took me by surprise, and I just want to know why. Why did you do that?”

“Why did I go down on you?” he asks, and my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

“Yes.”

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