Page 31 of Midnight Clear

“I always chalked it up to that moment, but in reality, I can’t remember a time when I knew my father where he wasn’t a drunk. For the most part he was affable enough, but there were times he lost his temper. If Mom was there it would be directed at her. And if she wasn’t…”

“It would be directed at you,” Hank said, feeling helpless and angry for the child she’d been.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “But never at Junie and that’s what was most important to me. As we got older everyone learned to just stay out of the way. It worked for the most part. But I realized as I was trying to sort things out that those are the things that made me feel like only I could get things done. That the only person I could rely on was myself. I love my mother dearly, but she was in no place to be the anchor I needed in the storm. And Junie. We were only two years apart in age but it might as well have been ten. She lived in a different world. Even at a young age her dream was to get married and be rich. So she made sure everything about herself would appeal to that type of man. And she succeeded. I’m glad for her. I’ve always only wanted what was best for her.”

“What about what was best for you?” he asked.

“I never wanted marriage or family. I never wanted friends or community, even though I look back now and can see I’ve had them all along. Raven…she was my best friend growing up. And all these years she’s always made the effort to talk to me. Check on me. Make sure things were going well. I’ve been a bad friend.”

“Knowing Raven like I do, she doesn’t keep score,” Hank said. “But you’ve got time to make it up to her.”

Sophie’s lips curved. “I’ve distanced myself. And I’ve occupied myself with projects. First it was business school and then running the bookstore and changing everything I could to make it more profitable for Mom before she retired.”

“You did a good job,” he said. “You succeeded.”

“Not enough,” she said. “But the hope kept me busy. I realized yesterday that the control and anxiety and all these other things are actually out of my control. And weirdly enough, there was such a sense of peace that came down over me in that moment. I can’t describe it. But I knew in that moment I had to let it all go. Isn’t that part of forgiveness? I not only had to forgive my dad, but also myself and my mother. I realized those chains of control and anxiousness and aloneness can be broken. It’s not complete. But like you said, the process has started. And it’s opened my eyes to other things.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the snow swirl and listening to the hush of the mountain.

“Can I ask you something?” she finally asked, breaking the silence.

“Always,” he said.

“Today’s not been the best of days.” She looked at him and saw the love and compassion in his eyes. How long had he looked at her like that? Why hadn’t she noticed sooner?

“I imagine it hasn’t,” he said patiently.

“But when I looked at that window that had miraculously survived, a piece of my history and family, I felt hope.”

“There’s always hope,” he said.

“Would you help me rebuild?” she asked softly. “Not because of what that particular building was. But because rebuilding is going to give the same hope to my children and grandchildren as that stained-glass window did for me.”

“You’re planning on children and grandchildren?” he asked, arching a brow.

“How could I not?” she asked. “When they’d get the opportunity to grow up here and be part of something special.”

“Those kids would be pretty lucky,” he agreed. “They’d come from two strong family lines. Survivors. Hard workers. Innovators. That’s the American dream.”

She nodded and turned her hand over so she could grasp his. “I’d love to build that with you.”

Epilogue

The O’Hara housewas one of a kind, Sophie thought.

She heard footsteps trampling through the hallways and down the stairs, along with muffled laughter and a child’s shriek of joy. It was a Christmas morning she was sure to remember. She pulled the covers tighter and rolled over to try and drown out the noise and came face-to-face with Hank.

“My family is so loud,” he whispered. “I told you we should have slept at home and driven over later.”

“And break tradition?” she asked. “We couldn’t do that to your mother. Besides, I’m not going to sleep any better at home than here.”

Hank placed a hand on her round belly and immediately felt a kick. “He kept you up all night?”

“He’s definitely a night owl,” she said. “And with any luck he’ll come on his due date.”

“That’s today,” Hank said, feeling a combination of euphoria and panic that had become common over the last weeks of Sophie’s pregnancy.

“That’s why I said with luck,” she said. “I don’t feel any closer than I did yesterday.”

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