Page 416 of Tis the Season to be Bullied

“Harper, honey? Where are you going?” my mom calls out when I rush past the dining room.

I pause. “Okay if I do some laps?” I ask, hoping they’ll take my tight voice as anything but the anger blazing through me. I ignore the way Jude is staring at me, and the way Rosie’s eyes go big.

“I wanna swim too!” she announces, slipping off her chair and hurrying toward me.

Jude puts out an arm, catching her around the middle, and draws her onto his lap. “Only grown-ups can swim at night, Rosie,” he says, giving her a hug. She fights him, scowls. “You said she wasn’t a grown-up.”

He laughs despite how Wayne and Diana frown at him and then glances at me over his shoulder. “I was wrong, Rosie. It happens sometimes.”

I force my eyes away from him, focusing on my mother instead. “Please, Mom?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Wayne cuts in. “Just make sure you lock up when you come back inside.” He slides his hand over the table and grabs my mom’s wrist. “I think we’re going to bed early anyway.”

My mom breaks eye contact with me to smile at Wayne, and I take it as my cue to get the fuck out of there before they change their minds.

I can feel Jude staring at the back of my head, but that doesn’t stop me. He knows why I’m pissed off. But I do feel sorry for Rosie. I’m sure it would have been fine for her to swim withme, but the last thing I need right now is to look after someone else when I feel so fucking self-destructive.

The warm water and the exertion of a few laps does wonders for my mind, though. I’m calm when I get out, calm when I open the pool house’s French doors, even calm when I go into the bathroom for a quick shower and to change into my warm clothes.

But that serenity shatters when I come out, still toweling my hair, and happen to glance toward the mahogany bar.

“You motherfucking asshole,” I hiss when I see bottles stacked on those dark shelves.

Chapter 31

Harper

I don’t go to school on Monday. Mom tells me she’s worried about me, that I have to go to the doctor if I keep getting the runs for no reason. Maybe I have a parasite, she says, or I’ve developed IBS. But I tell her I’ll be fine, that I have a ton of studying to do anyway, that I have gym today so that’s already a wasted period I could be utilizing much better. How I manage to get out “utilizing” without giggling or slurring I don’t know. I guess because I’m already hungover, even though I haven’t gone to sleep yet.If she does notice anything when she bends down to kiss the top of my head, she doesn’t say anything.

I resent her for that. How could a mother not know her daughter is hungover?

When the house falls quiet, I know Jude’s coming. A minute later, my bedroom door opens.

He stands in the doorway, but all he does is stare, so I turn my fucking back on him. Of course he knows I took the bait. I don’t care what he’s going to do about it, especially if he’s going to turn it into a fucking drama.

But the weird thing is that hedoesn’tdo anything. He doesn’t come inside my room, he doesn’t say a word. He just watches me for a few minutes and then pulls the door closed. I hear his car, then there’s just quiet.

Beautiful silence.

Finally, I pass out. Finally, my brain stops inundating me with what-ifs. Finally, I’m at peace with myself.

But, again, it’s an aberration that only lasts long enough to give me hope before my world is thrown into chaos.

Chapter 32

Harper

My Tuesday starts out like any other. I pick at a bowl of granola and down a cup of coffee while Jude reads something on his phone. Rosie’s bus already came to take her to school. All that’s left is for us to go to ours. Jude cranks up energetic EDM music in the car. It’s intense. Overwhelming. If I wasn’t still a little buzzed from the pick me up I put in my coffee, then I’d have been fucking pissed off at him.

I realize five minutes from Cinderhart High that I don’t have my phone with me. I can’t even remember when I last had it with me. The last thing I remember using it for was calling Eliza on Sunday night. Maybe it fell on the floor and I accidentally kicked it under my bed.

It doesn’t matter. I know Jude won’t turn back to fetch it, so I try to forget about how boring science class is going to be without a sneaky game of Candy Crush. I still need to study for Friday’s test, but I still have the rest of the week. No way I’m getting anything done with this headache.

The music was a sign, but I only realize it when we pull into the parking lot at school. When I see the crowd of kids huddlednear the entrance of the main building, everyone looking grim. Arms crossed, heads shaking, some kids with arms slung around other's shoulders.

As soon as Jude turns off the stereo, I hear the siren.

My heart’s in my throat as I fumble with the handle to get out of the car. Jude’s voice is emotionless when he says, “Need help with that?”

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