Page 316 of Tis the Season to be Bullied

It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.

I back away, swallowing hard and wishing more than anything that I had enough guts to turn and run.

But I just keep backing away until I have to turn the corner to go down the stairs, andthat’swhen I start running.

Addy meets me halfway down the stairs. She’s so out of it, I’m almost past her before she recognizes me.

“There you are.”

I cringe, hearing Marcus’s exact words played through Addy’s mouth. She tries to grab me, but I sidestep her easily. “Not now. I have to find Briar. I…I fucked up.”

She starts smiling, but then schools her face with obvious effort. “Is it over already?” One side of her mouth twists up. “Fuck, I didn’t think he was a quick draw.”

I shake my head, waving at her. “It’s not—just—” I break off with a frustrated growl and rush down the rest of the stairs.

Ididfuck up, because I was scared.

I got sentimental about my fucking hymen.

Fuck knows why. Girl my age? Should have lost my v-card like three, four years ago.

But it’s never seemed right.

Briar feels right. But that hallway didn’t.

Because Addy wasn’t there with her cellphone camera, duh.

I shake away the thought.

That’s not it. I don’t want my first time—consenting or otherwise—to be up against a hall in someone’s house.

Admittedly, I wasn’t expecting roses and fucking champagne, but…

Fuck that—I wasn’t expectinganyof this. Not Briar’s passion. Not his animalistic urgency. Not the stutter of fear in my chest.

I know it will hurt. That’s not it.

The fact that Briar will break me…that’sit.

I don’t know if I want someone like him to be my first. Yes, he ticks all my boxes. Yes, he’s gorgeous as fuck and knows my own body almost—but not quite—as well as I do…

Am I a stupid romantic for thinking there’d be more? That there’d be love and devotion and some kind of commitment; the most kids our age can ever promise each other?

My hand folds around Mom’s necklace.

Youarean idiot, Indi. You’re weak, and sentimental, and you don’t deserve to lose your v-card on a rose petal scattered bed at some hotel. You had what you wanted. The perfect camera angle, a brightly lit space. Addy was moments away?—

No.Marcuswas moments away.

I stagger to a halt, and lean against the closest wall. I’m in the kitchen, and a few people are lingering here already. Some look up at my arrival, most don’t. That’s because they’re making out, zoning out, or purging, but I can’t hold any of those things against them.

After all, we’re just kids. This is the kind of shit we get up to when our parents are away. In this case, it’s the kind of shit Dylan lets other kids get up to in his house when his parents are away.

And then I see Briar.

He’s staring at me, smoking a cigarette like his life depends on it.

I’ve barely had more than two seconds to process anything since I’ve stepped past that red rope at the front door. And now, caught in this moment, I take my time to drink him in.

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