Page 86 of Forbidden Lessons

It’s not the cruel twist of his mouth.

Or the tremor in his arm.

Those don’t frighten me.

It’s when he glances over his shoulder, scanning the campus garden to make sure we’re alone.

No witnesses.

That’s when I realize I’ve pushed him too far. That whatever happens next is something that could have been avoided had I only crawled out of here on hands and knees, whimpering and begging for forgiveness like the meek little slut he wants me to be.

Forgivenessfor what?

Being his friend?

Keeping him company?

Not telling anyone how his brother used him as a punching bag and his parents didn’t care?

Wanting to give him the one precious thing I had, then being pissed off when he didn’t want it?

Loving him?

The tears are really flowing now. It’s not all physical pain anymore. This runs deeper.

“Kai, please…”

He turns back to me, a wild light in his eyes that makes my heart patter frantically, desperately, in my chest.

“Kai—” I cut off with another yelp of pain as he uses the grip in my hair to drag me around the tree.

He slams me against the trunk so hard, leaves flutter down around us. Dragging his hand out of my hair, he grabs my face, eyes darting to my lips.

“Shut your filthy slut mouth,” he pants.

Again, his eyes flicker away. Searching.

My heart is going a thousand beats per second now.

“Stop, please, Kai, don’t?—“

His slap sends my head spinning to the side, my mind reeling. Then he’s gripping my face again, his nails digging into the soft flesh of my cheeks. My eyes are drawn to the row of not-nearly-symmetrical-enough teeth marks on his arm. To the rivulets of blood trickling down, staining his white sweater.

But as soon as he speaks, my gaze flashes back to him as if summoned.

“You fucked my head up,” he whispers, his voice so soft, so low, he sounds lost in the woods in the dark. “I wanted you back. I wanted you to stay gone. I was so fucking confused.” His eyes flinch to slits, then widen with an intensity that makes my stomach churn. “I could never stop thinking about you, Haven.”

Again, his eyes drop to my mouth. His thumb swipes over my bottom lip, then back. Pauses in the middle.

And he presses, presses, until it feels like he’s pushing my teeth out of their sockets. Bark scrapes the back of my head. I can hear my hair crunching between my skull and the tree.

My hands come up, flattening against his chest, trying to push him away.

Useless.

So I slide them up, wrap my fingers around his throat.

I can feel his pulse. Throbbing. But my fingers don’t touch. His neck is too thick. Muscle and bone and windpipe I can’t damage.

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