Page 71 of Deliver us from Evil

I can never hurt her again. Never bring her pain again. Not like this. I wasn’t going to carry on talking. I was going to leave her with those bitter words. But for the first time in my fucking life, I want to ease her pain. Even if it denies me the thing I’ve always craved so deeply.

But she has to understand.

I slam her hand into my chest. “Every time I looked at you, my heart would twist. Every time you came close, my skin would go cold.” I manipulate her hand, bringing it up to my cheek. Not the one she slapped—that one’s still stinging, but the other.

I press her knuckles to my flesh and will her to feel that chill.

“Every time we were together, the five of us, I felt like I was dying.”

Slow realization turns her bronze-dark eyes to bright amber.

“So yeah, I told you to leave. I shouldn’t have, it was selfish as fuck, but when I thought about how I felt around you…a sadist like me…I couldn’t even imagine how you madethemfeel.”

I glance past her, to where my brothers said they’d wait.

“So I made you leave. And I told myself I was doing the right thing.” I shake my head, let go of her hands. “That we’d be better off if you were gone.”

Her hands drop to her sides. The hurt is back in her eyes, but it’s different. It doesn’t fuel me like it should.

I clear my throat. Rake fingers through my hair.

“When I realized how wrong I was…that’s when I came back. And it was wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed you away from them, Trinity. It wasn’t my decision to make.”

She stares up at me, silent, barely blinking. Her chest rises as she takes a deep breath, but she exhales without saying anything.

“And what I’ve been trying to tell you…” I look down, reach for her hands.

I wait for her to pull away so I can turn and leave.

She doesn’t.

Trinity lets me take her hands again. Does nothing as I lace my fingers with hers. As I pull her a little closer.

I clear my throat again.

“I’m waiting,” she says.

I start to growl at her impatience, but I check myself immediately.

Swallow. Fucking breathe.

“I don’t forgive you, Trinity Malone. I don’t think I ever can.”

Her eyes go wide. Her fingers tighten around mine. “What?” she says, but it’s barely a whisper.

“I was broken before I met you. Broken, and selfish. And I was happy not giving a fuck about anyone but myself.” I tug her the last bit, until her body’s pressed against mine. “Then you came along, and you fixed me. You made mefeelagain. I’d promised myself I’d never be scared again. And then I met you.”

I shake loose one of my hands, then the other. I finally get to peel the strands of wet hair from her throat, and run my thumbs down the side of her neck.

“And now I’m terrified all the fucking time.”

She puts her hands over mine, her lips parting. “Zach, I didn’t—”

“I love you, Trinity. But I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”

Her eyes are limpid, glowing.

I duck my head. Aim for her lips. And they part oh so fucking invitingly.

---