Page 29 of Deliver us from Evil

So easy to feel sorry for myself right now. To think it’s useless. That I’d make Gabriel angry and he’d try to hurt me again.

Even though right now he’s peaceful. Almost like the Gabriel I used to know and love. But he won’t stay this way. I’ll say something and it will trigger him to the violence, and he’ll try to hurt me again.

I gently grasp his wrist and lift it. Slow. Easy. I keep it suspended as I carefully wriggle to the side.

The tendons in Gabriel’s wrist go tight. He murmurs something inaudible as he tries to hold onto me in his sleep.

I freeze, eyes squeezing shut, and send a prayer to any higher power who might be listening.

Our father, which art in heaven.

Hallowed by thy name.

The prayer becomes a mantra that cycles over and over in my mind as I slowly make my way to the edge of the bed. As soon as I’m clear, I put his hand down on the sheets.

The instant I let go, he turns over, dragging the bedding with him. Leaving me exposed and naked on the far side of the bed.

I slip out and stand hunched over, my heart thudding relentlessly in my chest. With his back to me, I don’t know if his eyes are open. They can’t be—why would they?—but that doesn’t change a thing.

Deliver us from evil.

All I need is for him to stay exactly as he is. Lost in whatever perverted dream he’s having right now.

I back up out of the room, hesitate at the threshold, and then pull the door closed as I creep into the hallway outside. I’d have locked it, but the key’s gone.

I know I shouldn’t be wasting a millisecond, but I can’t run into the street naked. And it will only take a few seconds to put on clothes. Just pants and a shirt. I won’t even bother with underwear or shoes.

That’s the plan, anyway. But when I step into my room, it’s as if the world does a somersault around me.

I freeze.

It looks like a tornado went through this place.

My closet doors are wide open. Everything inside them has been dumped on the floor or on the bed. Little ornaments—the kind of knick-knacks you accumulate when you’re young—are everywhere. Some shattered. Tears and scuffs on the wallpaper where he threw things against the wall.

Was he looking for something? Or did my accusations really piss him off that much?

Move, Trinity! He could be waking up any second now, and you’re just standing there? You’ve established he’s a nut job—now how about you get on with escaping?

I force myself deeper into my room, but it’s like I’m in a trance. There’s so much chaos in here I can’t find anything.

I pick up a jacket that doesn’t have a zipper or buttons—pointless.

A scarf.

That goes around my neck, because, well, that’s where scarfs go.

I find leggings. Pull them on. They’re not fully opaque, but they’re better than nothing.

Finally, the last piece of the puzzle. A sleeping shirt. Picture of a grumpy cat on it. Something about needing coffee. I tug it over my head as I turn to head out the room.

Gabriel’s standing by the door. Chin down as he watches me. Hands opening and closing at his sides.

Panic slices into me like frozen razor blades. I wrap my arms over my chest and take a step back. “I was getting cold,” I say.

He’s wearing only a pair of sweatpants. I hadn’t even realized that when he was in bed with me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him bare chested. I had no idea he was so muscular. So strong. No wonder I couldn’t fight him.

He lifts his chin. “You have to accept the things you cannot change.” He turns his palms to face me, arms still at his sides. “I’m your father. That’s never going to change.”

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