Page 28 of Deliver us from Evil

Oh, right. I know this one.

I burrow into the bed, cringing as my wet hair makes my cheek itch. I’m not clean enough to be on these sheets. I can still smell myself. But there’s lavender too, and that makes me think about bubbles and that makes me want to climb out of bed and run away.

But I’m too tired.

…give us this day…

So I stay where I am, curled into a ball, trying to warm up. I cough, and clear my throat, and try to get rid of the awful feeling inside me. The rawness where water went but shouldn’t have.

…forgive us our…

I lie there even when someone gets in behind me and holds me. Even though I know who it is. Even though I know what he’s capable of.

I’m even fucking grateful, because he’s so warm, and I’m so cold.

…lead us not into…

I lie there in his arms until I fall asleep. And I’m still there when I wake up.

But I only wake up a long, long time later after he wakes up. After he brushes hair from my face and kisses my cheek. Only after he squeezes me tight and whispers, “Morning, daughter.”

…deliver us from evil…

Now I’m not tired anymore. I’m not hurting as much. Iamscared. But I’m also angry. And I want out.

...thine is the kingdom...

My mind races as he snuggles his face into the back of my neck, as if he’s smelling me.

…the power and the glory…

This is not my new life. I’m getting out of here, whatever it takes.

…forever and ever.

Amen.

Chapter Thirteen

Trinity

Ithink Gabriel has fallen asleep again. I guess it’s tiring, holding someone captive. But he should be used to it though.

The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I shift a little, then pause, waiting for his reaction.

Nothing but a soft breath against the back of my neck. His arm is still slung around me, his fingers dangling over my hip.

It would be so easy to stay here. Although I don’t feel as shit as I did when I woke up on the bathroom floor after he tried to drown me, my body is still weak. I haven’t eaten in…days?

So easy just to let it happen.

To go somewhere else inside my head.

But that’s not whattheydid. Those four boys in the basement fought back. They stayed strong, and they found a way out.

But they were four.

I’m just me.

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