Page 90 of Their Will be Done

So instead I’m in my room, considering sneaking into the shower room.

I feel dirty after what Zachary did to me.

How he made me feel.

And while there’s nothing I can do about my filthy mind, the least I can do is wash the feel of him off my body.

After what happened yesterday with Cass in the shower, though…

That delicious tightness and tingling had stayed with me for close to an hour, maybe a little more.

Today? It’s been three hours since Zachary touched me, and I can still feel him stroking me through my underwear.

None of it makes sense, of course. I should be horrified—disgusted even—by what he did.

Scaring me like that.

Forcing himself on me.

I thought my heart had been beating with panic…but now I’m wondering if it hadn’t been excitement instead.

Maybe if your life is as boring as mine, anything is exciting.

It’s seriously messed up to think that my body is capable of confusing fear with lust, or pain with pleasure.

God, when did I turn into such a sexual deviant?

I realize I’m stroking my hip bone through my dress and hurriedly snatch away my hand.

Not going to happen, Trinity.

I wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt. The shame.

Don’t let such silly things plague you.

Gah, I knew it!

My mind keeps going back to Gabriel or Zachary.

Gabriel feels the need to answer my questions. About how my father was gay, or the fact that he cheated on my mom?

The Brotherhood will hurt me in the worst way if I don’t find the data they’re looking for. I may have bought myself some time today with Zachary, but how much?

There was an announcement about the end of term in prayer today, Jasper told me. The buses are arriving on Thursday morning to take everyone through to Sisters of Mercy.

Can I hide from both sides of this war until then?

I grab my pillow and shove it over my head, muffling a frustrated yell.

“Need a hand?” Jasper asks from the doorway. “I’d be more than happy to oblige.”

I whip away the pillow and glare at him. “Fuck off,” I snap.

He pushes away from the door with his shoulder. “Geez, what’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“Nothing.” I watch as he rummages in his side of the closet and pulls out casual clothes. “Hot date?”

Maybe he’s meeting Perry. I can only hope he won’t go down to the library again.

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