Page 64 of Their Will be Done

Twenty.

Thirty.

Gabriel sits back on his heels. His phone is out. He’s talking to someone, but fuck knows who.

It’s all over.

He knows.

And I don’t give a fuck because I’m losing Cass.

Already lost him.

Fuck.

Fuck!

“Stay with me,” I yell before breathing into his mouth again. Once, twice. “Stay the fuck with me!”

My ears whine like a buzzsaw. Cass’s chest feels too spongy under my stacked palms, like I’m pushing down on a mattress and not my brother’s chest. I will the force of every push to draw air back into his lungs, to massage his heart, to do whatever the fuck it was CPR is supposed to.

“Breathe!” I yell.

Gabriel’s hand comes into view. For a sickening moment I think he’s going to pull me away, to tell me I have to stop, that Cass is already dead. But instead he simply grabs the edge of Cass’s t-shirt and draws it down his stomach.

Covering the countless cigarette burns scattered over his skin.

MarksImade.

PainIinflicted.

My cheeks are wet, and I know I shouldn’t be crying for some random student in front of Gabriel, but fuck knows how I’m supposed to stop.

I’m sorry.

I’m so fucking sorry.

I wish I could take back every nasty word I ever said to you, every fucked up thought, everything.

Every-fucking-thing.

“Zachary.”

I’m staring at my meshed fingers as I shove down Cass’s ribs. Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven—

“Zachary!”

I look up Gabriel, my face twisted with rage, with pain, with defeat. His eyes narrow, and his mouth thins into a stern line. “Stop.”

“Fuck you,” I growl out.

Gabriel’s eyes dart up to his hairline. “Brother Zachary—” he says, reaching for me.

“Fuck, stop,” someone croaks. A hand slaps weakly at my wrist. “Stop!”

I sit back and end up falling the last few inches onto my ass. Cass rolls onto his side, wheezing and gagging like I’d stuck my fingers down his throat. He puts a hand on his chest where I’d been doing the compressions and moans like a gutted pig.

“I heard something give,” Gabriel says quietly. “You might have cracked a rib.”

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