Page 32 of Their Will be Done

“Beating people,” Jasper says through a world-weary sigh. “He gets off on it.”

He…what? I’ve heard some strange things before, but that? It doesn’t make any sense. And Zachary might be cold and calculating, but…a sadist?

“I don’t think he—”

“He loves beating people as much as he hates gays.” The whites of Jasper’s eyes shine in the moon’s silver glow. “If you don’t believe me, try telling him you’re a lesbian. You won’t be sitting for a week.”

Jasper turns around again.

Even if I could speak, what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?

I need air.

I’m already in my pajamas—yoga pants and a tank top—so I grab my threadbare dressing gown from the foot of the bed where it keeps my feet warm in this ice-box of a room, shove my feet into the fur-lined boots I use as slippers, and shuffle out of the door.

For a while after dinner there was quite a lot of traffic in the hallway. Boys coming and going, laughing and roughhousing. But now all the doors are closed, and the passage is quiet.

Cass came by about half an hour after I’d gotten into bed. It was the first time I’d heard him call ‘lights out’ since I’ve arrived. I’d almost peed myself at the thought that he would slip into my room, but I guess he wouldn’t risk it in case Jasper was there.

I use the restroom before heading back to my room.

I feel sorry for Jasper. It sucks that he and Perry ended up in a place like this, where their relationship is considered a cardinal sin. I wish I could tell him Zachary doesn’t feel that way.

Maybe Jasper and Perry can be open about who they are when they leave Saint Amos. I’ve never had an issue with other people’s sexuality. If you love someone,trulylove someone, then things like gender shouldn’t matter.

That’s the one thing I’d admired about my parents. You could tell they were wholly devoted to each other. They weren’t passionate lovers or anything like that—I’ve only heard them making love once, and it only lasted a few minutes. But they spent every moment they could together. I guess my mother’s miscarriages brought them closer together. They happened way before I was born, but I’m sure they played havoc on the marriage. Luckily they tried one last time before she had a hysterectomy, else I wouldn’t be here.

To hear them tell it, God was the one who saw them through those dark times.

I think it was love. A love so strong, it could survive anything. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that they chose each other—and God—over me the night of the accident. I was never included in that love triangle, because I was never as devoted to their faith as they were.

Not for lack of trying. But no matter what I did, it never felt right.

Father Gabriel would often try to rope me into conversations about God when he came to visit. He was subtle about it, and I give him credit for that. But even he could never convince me.

I still went to church, of course. I still prayed when everyone else did.

Gabriel’s coming back tomorrow.

The thought makes my pulse beat a little faster.

What do I do if I find out everything the Brotherhood’s been telling me is bullshit? Would Gabriel still take me under his wing after I doubted him? Or would he act like he did all those times I came right out and told him I didn’t believe?

I can’t handle seeing that disappointment in his eyes again.

Not now. Not after everything.

I walk past my room door without pausing.

I don’t know if I can risk hurting my only friend. I need to make up my mind about Zachary and his brothersbeforeGabriel gets back.

There’s only one way I can think to do that.

I push back my shoulders, take a deep breath, and start down the stairs.

Chapter Fourteen

Zach

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