Page 68 of Fearless

Cillian’s fingers brush over my scar, and it’s as if he’s reaching in and pulling out my baby all over again.

No anesthesia.

No fucking breathing exercises.

My beautiful baby girl.

I let out a wordless wail, but I can’t move under him anymore, not if I can barely fucking breathe.

“This—” he runs the pads of his fingers over the scar “—doesn’t change anything, unless you want it to.”

Like a stone dropped in a pond, that touch ripples in every direction and through my whole body.

“When?” he asks quietly.

Four years ago. Give or take. I made myself stop counting the months, days, the hours, the fucking seconds since they snatched her from my womb.

I made myself forget about her, because otherwise I’d be in a padded room where they force you to forget so you don’t try and bash your brains out against your own kneecap.

But he doesn’t get to know that. Him and his sick brother willneverknow about her.

My sweet, darling Grace.

I should never have named her. That’s where I fucked up. It was when I named her that she stopped being an intruder and became a living, breathing part of me.

Grace transformed her from an obscene burden to my darling baby.

Think hate is powerful?

Try loving someone you barely got the chance to meet. Someone who’s only ever communicated with you via heartburn, morning sickness, and the odd kick to the bladder.

And fuck, I loved her.

But thenshetook her from me. Mom snatched her out of my arms like Grace never belonged to me in the first place.

The same mom who couldn’t get on a flight for my first day of school. Who couldn’t take time away from work for my eighth birthday.

But she could board a plane and fly halfway across the world to South Africa just to rip my happiness away.

And God, that fucked me up.

Fractured my mind.

Cillian said he’ll break me?

I’m already broken.

Said he’ll put me back together again?

Impossible.

This puzzle’s missing a piece, and it’s not as if it’s gone and rolled under the couch, either.

Grace is gone forever.

I thought I could find her. That’s why I came here. Suffered throughher. I didn’t want to steal her away, God knows that ship has sailed. I just wanted to know if she was happy. But I couldn’t even...

“…sie? Meisie!”

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