Page 38 of Counting the Stars

“Yes, you do. But I’ll give you a pass this time.”

“Hmph.” I place my arms across my chest.

“I’m just playing with ya, baby girl.” Alex lets out a deep chuckle and leans in to place a chaste kiss on my forehead.

“Seriously, though.” I try to push down the mixture of butterflies and all the other emotions I’ve been feeling in my stomach. “What do I do now?”

“Whatever happens is up to you, but if you’re asking me for suggestions, I think you need to come clean to the rest of the group about your past.”

“Do you think Michelle and Aly will be upset that I was hiding this from them?” I look down at my feet.

“Nah, they’re good friends. I think they’ll understand.” He begins to gather the blankets. My heart sinks, knowing this morning is coming to an end, but we really do need to head back home.

“What about the guys?” I ask, jumping down from the back of the SUV.

“You can rip off the Band-Aid and talk to everyone together,” he suggests.

“I think I’d like to talk to the girls first,” I decide. I adore Carter and Jax, but I feel more comfortable around Aly and Michelle.

“Okay, sounds like you’ve got a plan going. That’s good progress.” He nods for me to get into the car.

“Umm…what about us?” I sit down and strap my seat belt into place.

“What about us?” He mirrors my actions.

“You know…about everything.”

“Like I said last night, my feelings for you haven’t changed. If anything, they’re stronger because I have so much admiration for what you’ve overcome.”

“I can’t get past the fear of losing you, Alex. Nothing’s changed that way.” Is it possible to overcome this phobia over time? If you had asked me yesterday, I would have immediatelyresponded no. But now? Just talking about my past has made me feel…lighter. I kept everything bottled up for so long, I didn’t realize how badly I needed to release my emotions. I really needed that cry last night.

“I understand, but no one knows what life will bring them. There are no guarantees for any of us. So you have a choice. You can go through the rest of your life keeping everyone at arm’s length, expecting the worst, or you can jump right in with both feet and hope for the best. I know it sounds scary, but I promise to be with you every step of the way. Whatever you need from me, I’ll be there.” He pauses to wag his eyebrows. “And I do mean whatever you need from me.”

“Alex.” My voice carries no hint of annoyance.

“Sorry, baby girl, but old habits die hard.” He grins at me with those damn dimples. Gah, the feelings I have for him.

“Honestly, I think I’d be more worried if you didn’t try to turn a situation into something sexual.”

“Yeah, but I really should tone it down. Like the list said, I need to show you that I can take life seriously.”

“I know you can take life seriously.” I throw my hands up. “And I adore your sense of humor. It makes things more fun.”

“Well…” He scratches his chin. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

“Does that mean I can have the list back?”

“Oh no, I’m totally keeping it as a souvenir.”

“Ugh.” He hangs his head and starts the ignition.

I giggle at his reaction, but a wave of reality sweeps over me. I can’t just transform my way of thinking overnight…or possibly ever. Although a certain patient of mine was able to change. If she could, maybe I can too.

“Miss Ruby said she didn’t start living until she turned eighty-three.”

“Do you plan to wait that long too?” Alex puts the car in drive and we make our way down the dirt road. He makes a left instead of a right and I realize he’s driving me back to The Lighthouse to pick up Stinky. “Because like I said, I’ll wait with ya, but a lot of stuff won’t be working as good as they do in my prime.”

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