“Jax, please, I can explain everything,” she says with a shaky voice, but there’s too much going on in my head to fully comprehend her plea.

“I said GET OUT,” I roar, surprising myself with the anger and force behind my voice. Aly makes a small gasping sound then disappears from my sight. A moment later, I hear the front door click shut.

And now I’m back where I started…alone.

41

Aly

I close the door to Jax’s condo and stand in stunned silence as the reality of what just happened begins to sink in. We had an amazing night planned and in a mere five seconds, everything went to hell. It’s all my fault. I know I should’ve told him about why I changed my name and how it was purely a coincidence, but in the end, my nerves won and I did nothing. Part of me wants to march right back through the door and demand that he listens to me, but I know it won’t work. He’s too angry to listen.

As I stand in the hallway of 3rdEast, I realize I’m in limbo. I can easily walk back through the door of 312. While I’ve been staying with Jax for several weeks, I never fully moved out of the condo with Michelle and Gabby. I know they would accept me back with open arms, but if I go back with them, if I walkthrough that door, then Jax and I are officially over. I realize it’s over anyway, but it feels more final going back to where I started.

I decide I can’t go back—not yet. Instead, I run down the stairs and outside towards the parking lot. I sit down on the curb with my head on my knees, hoping the wintry air will bring me out of my shock. Hot tears pool behind my eyes.

In the distance, I hear the sound of a car door shut and feel someone come up beside me.

“Aly?” the familiar voice says hesitantly. I raise my head to see the warm blue-green eyes of Carter looking at me with concern. He kneels down to my level. “Are you okay?”

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I look down to see my hands trembling, but I can’t tell if it’s from the cold or my nerves.

“Look, it’s freezing out here and you’re certainly not dressed for this weather. How about we go for a ride? Okay?” It occurs to me that I’m still in my little black dress and heels. I didn’t think to grab my coat when Jax told me to get out.

I nod in agreement. Carter reaches out his hand to help me up and he guides me to his lime green Jeep. As soon as I am in the warmth of his Jeep, I grab him by his coat and start sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.

“Jesus, Aly, what happened?” He wraps his arms around me. The gesture gives me some comfort, but it’s not the same as when Jax holds me. He doesn’t feel the same, doesn’t smell the same.

“I-I-can’t. I-I n-need a minute,” I cry breathlessly.

“Okay, umm…how about we take a drive around for a bit and when you’re ready, you can tell me what happened.”

I nod and wipe the tears with the back of my hand.

Carter hands me a beach towel. “Sorry, I don’t have any tissues, but I always keep towels in my car.” The towel smells likethe beach and of better days. I desperately want to go back to better days.

We drive around for a good half hour before I am able to speak coherently. I tell him everything, starting with the story of how I made it out to Oregon and ending with how Jax kicked me out of his place. As expected, Carter listens with an open heart and mind.

“Damn, he’s an asshole.” He smacks the top of his steering wheel. “If he had just listened to your explanation, none of this would be happening.”

“Thank you for listening to me, Carter.” I sniff.

“Of course! Are you ready to head home?”

Home.I know he means Michelle and Gabby’s place. While I didn’t mind staying with them, I never truly felt at home until I was with Jax. Oh, God… Jax. I don’t want to risk running into him. I also don’t want to have to relive the last few hours over again, and I know that’s exactly what will happen when Michelle and Gabby see me walking through the door. All I want is to go to my room, lock the door, and cry into my pillow.

“I don’t want to explain it all over again.”

Carter is quiet for a moment then nods. “Okay, I get it. How about you just let me handle everything, okay?”

We discuss what I will do and what he will say to my roommates.

“Okay,” I finally whisper in agreement. We have a game plan that will hopefully go as gentle as possible for me.

My heart begins to race as soon as we pull into the parking lot. I don’t want anyone to see me. I know I look like hell. I can feel the swollenness of my face from all the tears I have already cried. I know I will cry even more once I get to my bedroom.

As if Carter can read my mind, he pulls me into his side. “Lay your head on me and put your head down a bit,” he whispers.“Don’t worry about where you’re walking. I’ll guide you through the hall and won’t let anyone talk to you.”

I do as I am told, grateful for such an empathetic friend. Luckily, we do not run into anyone, but I choke up again the moment we reach 3rdEast. My bags—all my items from Jax’s place—have been placed outside his door. Thankfully, I chose to keep most of my stuff at Michelle’s, so it’s not much.