I turn my head away from him. I don’t want him to see me laughing; the poor guy truly believes his beloved appendage is gone. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I grab it and swipe to answer. “Now is not a good time,” I whisper to Jess.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I hear the panic in her voice. She always jumps to the worst conclusions. I can’t fault her, though; I do the same thing.
“Nothing is wrong. Well, something is wrong, but…oh my God, you’re not even going to believe me.”
“Try me.”
“Jax fell off a roof. He’s okay-ish, but he’s doped up on pain meds. I’m supposed to be babysitting him. He needed to use the bathroom and he’s currently standing in front of me with his shorts down, claiming he lost his penis even though a weather satellite could probably detect that thing from space.”
Silence.
“Jess?”
“Pics or it didn’t happen.”
“I am not taking pictures and it’s currently happening in front of me.”
“What am I gonna do?” Jax cries out.
“Listen to me. It’s not gone. Your underwear is just covering it,” I say as calmly as I can. The sound of hysterical laughter booms from my phone.
“Jess!” I hiss.
“Only you, Aly, only freaking you! How the hell do you get yourself into these situations?”
“I swear someone upstairs, a guardian angel, or whatever has the worst sense of humor when it comes to me. Oh, God, now he’s half spinning like a dog trying to catch its tail.”
“I lost my tail too?” Jax wails.
“This isn’t happening,” I groan into my hand. More wild laughter bursts through my phone. “Jess, I gotta go and… Oh, hell… I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I know what you have to do. Go show the man his penis!”
“Why does this sound like you’re giving me a pep talk?”
“I am! Now, go be the confident woman I know you can be and show that man his penis!”
“Ugh, how can I hate you and love you at the same time?”
“It’s a gift,” Jess says. “Good luck and give me all the details tomorrow.”
I end the call and turn my attention towards a still distraught Jax.
“Jax, pull your underwear down.” He gives me a look of total confusion and I know I’m going to have to physically help instead of just telling him. Okay, how do I do this? I could call Alex or Carter, but they probably wouldn’t be happy to help with this kind of thing. Plus, they’d give Jax hell over it later.
I look at Jax standing there so vulnerable and half naked. “Come on, Aly,” I say to myself. “It’s not like you haven’t seen a man naked before.” Hell, I’ve even seen Jax naked before. With a bit more confidence, I move closer to him and look down at his very non-missing penis.
Okay. How should I do this? Do I just push his underwear down or do I pull it through the little hidey-hole thing guys have built into their underwear?
I make up my mind to just push his underwear down. That’s much less invasive. Jax lets me do so without protest. As soon ashe watches himself spring free, he pulls me in for a very awkward hug.
“It’s back!” he rejoices. He thanks me profusely until I remind him that he still needs to pee. I walk out of the bathroom and close the door for privacy. Although, at this point, I’m not sure if privacy even matters. The toilet flushes a few minutes later and the sound of a crutch clicks on the tile floor.
“All better?” I ask when I hear the bathroom door open. “What happened to your clothes?” I yell. Jax appears in the doorway now completely naked. How did he get his shirt off so quickly with all the bandages on him? I don’t even want to know what he did with his underwear. He probably flushed them down the toilet or something.
“I’m going to bed,” he says nonchalantly. He fumbles with his one crutch and braces his other side against the wall as he makes his way to the guest room.
“Umm, that’s uh…my…you know what? That’s fine. I’ll just sleep on the couch tonight.” I’m not about to argue with him about sleeping arrangements in his own home. I follow him into the bedroom to make sure he gets to the bed safely.