Page 17 of Forever My Boy

I shake my head. “He tried, and I brushed him off.”

“You can’t blame yourself, sweetie.” Katelyn pulls me into another hug. “Liam will be back,” she says this so confidently. “He’ll come back, and you’ll be a family.”

I step away, needing some space, and set the flyer down on the desk. I don’t need the reminder of something I lost, staring at me anymore.

chapter 8

. . .

Tomorrow, I’m moving into a two-bedroom apartment with Katelyn and Mason. It’s technically on the edge of campus, but still on school property, and while Mason believes he’s the one who secured it, Mrs. DeFasio pulled a lot of strings behind the scenes. I’ll never tell Mason though because he’s proud of what he’s done, and I’m very appreciative of him.

With the help of our families, we’ve been able to secure enough furniture for our new place. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or not, but I’m thankful the apartment doesn’t come furnished. I’ve seen some of the furnished townhouses and there’s no way I’d sit on a couch, lie in a bed, or let my child come home to a place like that. The cleaning staff hired by the school doesn’t have enough tools to clean those messes.

My parents are letting me take my bed from my bedroom, which is a twin, but perfect for the room I’ll share with my child. The rest of our new stuff has come from second-hand stores, yard sales, and donations. It doesn’t matter because it’ll be ours and it’ll be perfect.

I stand in the doorway and look at my bed. My mom has washed and folded my blankets and sheets, and they’re ready to go to our apartment. It’s not the pile of bedding that keeps methere, but the memory of the last time Liam and I were together. The night we created the life growing inside of me. The baby of ours that will be born soon.

In my hand is the picture of Liam I kept on my bedside table. I don’t want to look at him anymore. The memories are too painful and have been exacerbated by his fame. I try not to look when I’m in the store and when I hear his voice come on the radio, I turn it off. Watching television is near impossible because he’s everywhere. He has a girlfriend, or so the tabloids say. As much as I try to avoid everything, I can’t. He’s always there, lingering. Never far from my thoughts or anything else in my life. Hour upon hour, I feel his son or daughter kicking me, reminding me of their presence. Not that I’ve forgotten, even though there were times when I wanted to sign my name on the dotted line and give this child up. I couldn’t do it. Despite everything, I love this baby.

I take one of the empty boxes and set it on my bed. I add the photo and then walk around my room, gathering everything Liam related I can find. His shirts, the roses from prom, his love letters. Each memory goes into the box, which will go into my closet for a rainy day that’ll never ever come.

One by one, I close this chapter of all the dreams we shared. Each one, shattered beyond repair. I can’t fix this or him. He was pretending with me, acting like someone he wasn’t because of his father. If Liam had been honest, maybe I wouldn’t be alone right now.

I look around my room for more Liam. There was so much at one point and now there seems to be nothing. The last thing I add is a photo of us: me in my cheerleading outfit and him in his football uniform. We were picture perfect. The “it” couple. And now look at us.

“I will always love you,” I say to the contents of the box, which have now become Liam. I set the lid over the top andcarry it to my closet. Someday, when our child is old enough to understand, I’ll give them the box. That’s all I can do. It’s not like they’ll be able to see their father unless they buy a ticket to one of his meet and greets.

If that ever happens, I’ll be right there.

After I finish packing, my mom suggests we go to the mall. Walking is good for me, according to the doctor, so she’s always trying to make sure I’m getting enough exercise.

“Can we stop at Babies ‘R Us?” I ask when we get into the car, turning the radio off immediately.

“What on earth do you need from there?” she asks as she backs out of the driveway. The truth is, probably nothing, since my parents have made sure this child has everything. I didn’t have a baby shower, mostly because I’m embarrassed by my situation and I didn’t want to answer any questions about where Liam is, how I like his music, what the fuck happened, and my favorite, how are you doing?

How the fuck do you think I’m doing, Shirley?

Besides, there isn’t anyone I would want to invite aside from my mom, Katelyn, and Mason’s mom.

“I don’t know. I feel unprepared.” My hand rests on my belly, and this baby thinks it’s time to play a game. They kick me and I tap back.

“You’ll always be unprepared. It’s called parenting. If there is something you need, your dad and I will get it for you. Spend your money on food and bills.”

What money I do have, I’ve earned while working at a florist shop near campus. I never knew how exciting it was putting bouquets together. Setting up floral arrangements is an art, and I love it.

Mom pulls into the parking lot of the mall, near JC Penney. When we get inside, she heads to the towel section while I head to the baby section. Most of the stuff I have for this babyis neutral-colored. I could’ve found out what I’m having, but I wanted to be surprised. The drawback is not knowing what to buy.

I meander through the clothes and pick up two outfits. On my way to find my mom, I see Bianca. I stop suddenly and so does she. I expect her to walk right by me, ignoring me, but she doesn’t. I let her stare at my stomach, to get a good look at the parting gift her son left and hope she’s dying a bit on the inside. There isn’t a doubt in my mind she knows where Liam is. All she has to do is call and tell him and he’ll come back. I know he will.

She opens her mouth to say something and then closes it. Her eyes meet mine and there’s a void. Bianca lacks life. There’s no happiness or sorrow in her expression. She’s stoic.

“My mother’s a robot,” Liam used to say.

I’m about to say something when I see my mother step out onto the walkway. She will cause a scene, and rightly so, but this isn’t the time nor the place. I sidestep Bianca and paste a happy smile on my face as I hold the two new outfits up.

“What do you think?”

“Is that?—”

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