Page 132 of Legacy of Chaos

No. But his family had waited too long for this as it was. “Yeah.”

“Are you going to tell them about…?”

“Chaos?” He blew out a breath. He’d waffled on that decision for three days in every spare minute he had while dealing with the memorial services for Kalis and the other angels’ victims. He hoped those bastards were dead. Except Gabriel. He owed that angel everything. “I think it’s best if we tell everyone later. My parents and brothers should hear it first.” Maybe tomorrow,where he was having them to his cabin for the very first time. Blade was a wildcard, but he always was.

She smiled. “I agree.”

He gave her a kiss, and they both walked down the short hallway to the living room, which was packed with his entire extended family. His parents, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins…yep, they were all staring at him expectantly.

Except Blade. He sat in a chair, legs spread, looking between them at the floor.

“Thanks for coming inside,” Stryke said. “I won’t keep you from the barbecue and kegs for long.”

“Don’t worry.” His dad waved his hand in dismissal. “The Horsemen will keep the grills going.”

Stryke glanced out the back doors at the Horsemen and their families making use of the manicured lawns, tennis court, and pool. Scotty cannon-balled into the deep end, and he was surprised she wasn’t in here with Mace and Blade, even though she wasn’t technically family. Generally, where they went, she went.

Inhaling deeply to quell his nerves, he addressed his family.

“I just wanted to say that I owe you all an apology. I’ve been a terrible brother,” he said, looking at each in turn. Blade met his gaze, but he was impossible to read. Then he looked at his parents. “I haven’t been a good son, either.” They both shook their heads, but he didn’t give them time to protest. “I’ve also been an awful friend.” This time, he looked directly at Eidolon. “I’ve been arrogant and selfish. I hurt the people I love and justified it in the name of protecting the world. I took risks with my life that were irresponsible and stupid.” He closed his eyes, drawing in a cleansing breath. He’d been afraid to bare his soul like this, to admit to so much wrongdoing, but there was something freeing about being honest with himself. “I removed myself from your lives and said I was protecting you from me.From the pain my presence would cause. But it was a lie. I know that now. I wasn’t protecting you. I was protecting myself.”

He looked over at Cyan, who gave him an encouraging smile. Gods, he was thankful she was in his life. He was happier than he’d ever been, and none of it would be possible without her. Now, he had to make sure she never got away from him.

He had a plan for that.

Blade took a swig of the beer in his hand. “You still think you’re smarter than everyone else.”

“I am,” he said, throwing in some snark because Blade had a way of getting under his skin. “But only in some ways.”

Most ways. But Cyan had told him he didn’t have to voice every single thought.

“Blade, you’re a tactical expert,” he pointed out. “I can’t do what you do.” Nor did he want to. “Rade, you know more about the mind than I ever could. In fact, I’m working on a couple of projects that could use your input.” He tucked his hands into his jeans pockets. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Blade shoved to his feet. “You left us when we needed you the most! You cut us out of your life, Stryke. You severed our fuckingbloodties.”

“Stop it, Blade!” Crux leaped up from the couch, spilling his bowl of potato chips on the floor. “It’s okay now. He’s apologizing. Everything’s okay.”

Shit. Stryke hated seeing his little brother so upset and desperate for everyone to heal. The kid just wanted his family to be whole and happy.

“Crux, no, it’s not okay,” he said gently. “Blade’s right. And you were right the other day when you accused me of not being there. I haven’t been. It’s going to take some time to rebuild trust. With all of you. That’s why I’m going to restore our mental connection.” He glanced at Rade and Blade. “If it’s all right with you.”

Blade cursed. “I’m done with this. You guys do what you want.” He headed for the party, slamming the door behind him.

“Dammit,” Shade muttered as he watched Blade storm toward the pool bar. “I’m sorry, Stryke.”

“Me too,” his mom said as she engulfed him in a hug.

“It’s fine.” Stryke welcomed his mom’s comforting embrace, something he hadn’t realized he’d missed until the night of her birthday party. “I knew this wouldn’t be easy.”

Rade moved over to him, and Stryke braced himself for anything from a blow to a chewing out, so he was surprised when he said simply, “I want the connection.”

“Me too.” Crux hurled himself at Stryke and their mom so he could hug them both. “Does this mean we’ll see you more now?”

“Yeah. A lot more.” Blade would bethrilled.

He pulled away from the group hug and picked up Masumi’s vase. Its weight was heavy and comforting. He was going to miss her. She’d saved his life more than once, and he was one of the few people he trusted.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Cyan asked, and he nodded.

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