Page 51 of Happy After All

“I’m sure you do.”

He pays the bar tab before I can stop him, and I leave a tip. Then we walk out into the parking lot slowly, out of step, and I’m not sure which one of us is trying to break the connection. Or keep it.

We start heading back in the direction of the motel, in that same out-of-step fashion, like maybe it’s a coincidence we’re headed the same way. I don’t know why he’s doing it, I just know I don’t want it to feel like I’m keeping him tethered to me.

Then I realize, I do need to tell him about the next meeting.

“There’s a meeting tomorrow,” I say. “Of the committee. I’d like for you to come and show your face and ... I know I’m asking a lot of you.”

He sighs heavily. “I was there the day of the fire, Amelia. I feel something about what happened here. You don’t have to browbeat me every step of the way.”

“I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t care. I just am aware that I’m taking liberties.”

He laughs, short and hard. “Is this what you call taking liberties?”

I scrunch up my face. “Well. Not really.”

My heart flutters, and anxiety rolls down my spine in a wave that makes me shiver.

I’m about to take liberties. I take a deep breath and decide it’s time. “What if ... what if Chris thought we were dating.”

“What?”

“I’m going to look so unhinged to him. He’s going to think I lured him here. I’m sure he already thinks that. But if you and I look even casually together at the event, and I’m sort of organizing your event and ... It’s going to be weird no matter what, but I won’t have to doall kinds of explaining and he’ll ... He won’t think I did it to try to get him back.”

“You didn’t, though,” he points out. “You didn’t even know he was coming.”

“No!” I say. “I didn’t, but be honest. Would you believe that? Like genuinely, would you believe that at all if you showed up at an event you got invited to and it turned out your ex-girlfriend was on the committee?”

His expression turns reluctant, and he lets out a long breath. “Okay, yeah, it would be hard to believe.”

“See? We weren’t casually dating. We owned a house together. I caught him in the act of screwing another woman. It’s ... it’s a lot. Please.”

“What would this entail?”

“Really almost nothing. We don’t need to convince anyone here we’re dating. It’s just ... you know, maybe some casual ... touching, at the event.” Just saying it makes my breathing ragged.

He stops walking. “You know ... I’m probably the person least likely to ever involve myself in shenanigans. Yet here you are. Involving me.”

I am, he’s correct. There’s no earthly reason for him to say yes to me. He pities me, and I get that. Though, right now I’m not above taking pity. I’m just surprised that he feels it for me. I can’t get the way he talked to me that night out of my head.

“I know this means we’ll be a little close.” I clear my throat. “You did say you wanted distance.”

“Jesus,” he says.

“Youdidsay that.”

“Yes. I did. And you aren’t letting me win that, are you?”

“You could say no,” I point out. “You could continue to be the most antisocial man who ever lived, and you could say,Fuck your fundraiser and fuck your feelings; your ex is going to just have to think you want to skin him alive.”

He looks at me with no small amount of something that might be wonder in his eyes. “You’re right. I could. Two years ago, I would have.”

“But not now,” I say.

“No,” he says, and he starts walking again. “Not now.”

Chapter Thirteen

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