Page 76 of The Fiance Dilemma

My fiancé shifted by my side, his arm coming up behind me and resting on the back of my chair. We were sitting on the patio, if I had to pick a name. I wasn’t sure the kind of estate Andrew was renting hada patio.It felt more like a big expanse of greenery and gardens. Several. I was pretty sure there was a gazebo past the line of trees around the area where we were sitting, where most of the guests were gathered now, and I was betting all of Josie’s revenue this month that there was a fountain somewhere.

The evening was warm, or warmer than it should have been, perhaps, much like the days preceding this one, but there was a bite to the air. The kind that had you keep a jacket at the ready. I’d left mine in the car just in case, and when Matthew’s hand grazed the back of my shoulder blade with his thumb, I couldn’t be more grateful for having left it there. I glanced at him, taking notice of how absolutely delectable he looked. His outfit looked even better in person, and when I’d come out the door to find him leaning on his car, I’d had to bite my tongue so I didn’t beg him to wear those exact pants and that exact shirt every day of the week.

And by the way? I’d been right about the glasses. I—

Willa cleared her throat, snagging me back. “Thank you, Matthew,” she said, even though she was looking at me. “That wasanother fascinating story about Boston-based sports. But I’m also interested in hearing about you, Josie.”

So that’s where the baseball metaphor had come from.

I snickered. “I think I’d like to hear more Boston trivia. It was really cool to hear that the sinking of theTitanicovershadowed the first big win the Red Sox ever had. I wonder if there’s more Matthew can tell us about the Sox.” The man beside me huffed out a surprised laugh. “Actually, I don’t think he was done with the story about the wall. I’d love to hear why it’s called the Green Monster. What came first, the fact that it was green or the name? I’ve been wondering since he mentioned it.”

Willa let out a puff of air I interpreted as a sign of frustration.

The truth was that after Willa’s first—and very personal—question directed at me, Matthew had been takingallof them. And the man possessed the ability to bring any topic of conversation to sports. Specifically, Boston-based sports. It was truly outstanding, really. Oh, and he was really bad at masking his clear distaste for the New York Yankees. Which I’d found… adorable. It was probably the only sports-related thing I could name that Matthew didn’tlove.

“It was very generous of Andrew,” Willa said in that tone I was beginning to think she used when her patience slipped. “To extend the wedding invitation to everyone in town. Don’t you think?”

“Yes,” I answered, my back going ramrod straight. The soft weight of Matthew’s hand disappeared, and I ignored the goose bumps its absence left. “It really is. We’re so grateful that he’s offering to cover all costs, too. As I’m sure you know. It’s a big guest list now. Big catering effort. Lots of glasses to fill and skewers to have at hand. No one thinks of skewers, but they’re important.”

Willa blinked. “Your speech at the farmers’ market was so moving,” she said then, patting her chest. “One could tell it came right from the heart.” Her eyes fluttered closed, as if she was rememberingsomething. “Oh yes.A piece of our soul. And potentially, the start of a new beginning.That was my favorite part. Beautiful words, really.”

I’d been trying not to think too much of it, but in hindsight, my words had probably been a little more revealing than I’d intended. I peeked down at the recorder, unease swelling in my gut. Matthew’s hand fell on top of mine, engulfing it as it rested on the white linen covering the elegant garden table.

“Why, thank you, Willa,” I said with a smile. Of sorts. “Mmh, you know what? I’m sorry, but I can’t get that story about the wall out of my head.” I turned to Matthew, brown eyes already on me. “I think I might be into baseball. Who would have thought?”

I knew from the way Matthew looked at me that he was gauging my words. The urgency behind them. The urgency I was sure was making my smile look wonky. Bobbi had been right: we needed a safe word. I would have used it right now.

Willa cleared her throat, just like she’d done the dozen times she’d been about to intercept a change in topic.

Without thinking too much of it, I brought Matthew’s hand to my mouth, much like he’d done a time or two in the past. I brushed my lips over the back, widening my eyes at him with a wordless sign.

It didn’t work.

Matthew was so taken aback for a second, the look in his eyes so… dazed, that my attempt backfired. For both of us.

“I—I’d love to take you home to Boston,” Matthew said, voice rocky. We both realized Willa was talking. But we weren’t looking at her. He brought our hands to his lap, and I would have probably flushed if I wasn’t so surprised by his words. “All this talk about the Sox is making me a little homesick.” He laughed, but it was strained, maybe even filled with longing. He turned to face Willa. My eyes remained on his profile. “I guess that’s why I can’t shake the idea of taking Josie to a game. Putting her in a jersey. Watching the sunset from the stands. Grabbing an Italian sausage from a cart outsideFenway. And walking back home after the game to catch dinner at my folks’. ”

His eyes creased at the corners. My heart stopped.

“Ma would give us shit for snacking, but nothing has ever stopped me from polishing off her shepherd’s pie.” His thumb caressed the back of my hand. “She’d love to have someone to gang up on me with.” His throat worked. Mine tightened, emotion sending the organ in my chest for a sprint. “She’d fall in love with Josie at first sight. Try to steal her away from me.”

I started shaking. It wasn’t cold; there wasn’t a runaway gust of wind breaking through the evening and hitting my skin. It was longing. An intense kind of yearning. At his words. And God, I wanted them, I realized. I wanted that. To reach out and grasp it in my hands. Make it true.

Only I… I wasn’t going to. I didn’t even know how much of that he really did mean. And that was probably why I felt so rattled inside. Fenway, the Italian sausage, the shepherd’s pie, it wouldn’t be mine. Not in the way he meant, not now, and certainly not after this. Boston might have been in the cards, perhaps, at some point. In some strange and parallel reality where we weren’t doing this.

We don’t get married but stay friends.

“So they haven’t met?” Willa asked. Matthew stiffened. I did too. “Josephine and your mother, they haven’t met?”

Whatever I’d been so occupied yearning for vanished. This was exactly why we needed a safe word.

“Not in person,” I rushed out. “We’ve met on FaceTime. Which is perfectly normal these days. As Bobbi said, remember? At least for me, it is. I love Pam and Paddy, they’re wonderful.”

“Do you have plans to meet soon?” Willa fired back before I could so much as relax after saying that. “Surely before the wedding, right?”

I blinked, my stomach sinking. I didn’t have an answer for that.I… Did Matthew’s parents know about December first? Did they know the truth? Was he lying to them, too? God. I couldn’t believe I didn’t know that. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t asked or assured Matthew he didn’t need to lie to them. I’d never want him to. And if he had, and they thought I was that person all over Page Nine, then I couldn’t even begin to fathom what they thought about me. How had I not asked? How—

“They’re on a trip,” my fiancé answered, his voice stern. Dry. What did that mean? “They packed up all their stuff, sold the house, and are now traveling the country in an RV. A realization of their retirement dreams.”

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