Page 124 of The Fiance Dilemma

SAM: Well, try a little harder than that before you derail this train. All right, let’s all ignore Nick being Nick and give a warm welcome to our guest, Matthew Flanagan, who you know as Fiancé Number Five, if you’ve been followingThe Underwood Affair.Hi Matthew.

(Beat of silence)

MATTHEW: Hi.

NICK: I mean, I do love a man who makes us work for a laugh. So Matthew, hi again, and thank you for being here. You really love playing hard to get, and not just for that smile you’re hiding. When The Boss, who you also had the pleasure of working under, told us you’d confirmed last-minute, it took me a moment to process.

SAM: We should tell our Reali-tiers that Matthew used to be a colleague until not long ago. He was the man you can’t see behind the glass window, making sure everything ran smoothly and things like this podcast had—

MATTHEW: A script.

NICK: (awkward laugh) No need to throw us under the bus here. We like to call that script more of a… guideline. We bring the authenticity, right? There’s no podcast without a good podcaster, and that’s just fact.

SAM: Period. But for legal reasons, all jokes belong to the pod, not us.

NICK: So anyway. We’re super excited to have you here, so we can finally get the real scoop, straight from the source. But first tell us, how are you?

SAM: Heartbreaking news. We were all rooting for you. Well, I was rooting for her, to be honest.

MATTHEW: You weren’t rooting for her. You never were.

NICK: (laughs awkwardly) Hey, I would be touchy too. And don’t worry, we are more than happy to be your emotional support blankie, just grab on to us and tell us how you feel. How did this start? How did it crash and burn? The wedding is clearly off now, but how is the news affecting you? Did you see it coming?

(Long silence)

MATTHEW: I don’t really want to be here.

NICK: Gee. (chuckles) Don’t go around being so mean, Matthew, or I might fall in love with you.

MATTHEW: We had a plan. She asked me to do this. To come onto this and tell her story. Our story. That it all started as a PR issue that wasn’t hers to deal with.

SAM: (gasps loudly)

NICK: I’m sorry, what? Hold on—Are we getting some tea on Rich Daddy? Sorry—Andrew Underwood? Did he hire one of those PR teams and have you guys trained or something? You can tell us. You—

MATTHEW: But there was never an issue. She was never an issue. And hers is not my story to tell. (laughs to himself) I’m fucking done with hearing her name in your mouth. Anyone’s mouth. So you’re going to hear my side.

SAM: (murmured) What is going on right now?

NICK: I don’t know. (muttered, then clearer) But let’s hear it, then. This is all we’ve ever wanted, by bringing you on. The story beneath the story. The wedding is off now, you clearly are hurt by that. So tell us about that. Tell us your story, Matthew. How everything unraveled.

(Thick silence)

MATTHEW: Josie’s the love of my life. Plain and simple.

SAM: (hesitant) Whoa. I feel you, I mean—

MATTHEW: You don’t feel me, no.Spare no details,she asked me before I left.Let’s dictate how this ends.She meant about her and her story, her reputation, as she loves to call it. As you’ve made her believe. Well, fuck that. I’m going to tell you about mine. I’m for the most part what you would call unserious. I never took much besides this job seriously. I joke about everything because I feel that’s what’s expected from me. There’s one thing I’m always serious about, though. That’s love. When I was little, my grandmother told me that a Flanagan man justknows.She gave me a ring and I kept it ever since. Decades later I got a text from my best friend saying she’d met my soul mate. (laughs with disbelief) This is the second time in a few days that I’m talking about that damn text, but the truth is that I have been thinking of it for a long time. (pauses) It was meant as a joke, a comment you made in passing. But I immediately remembered Gran. I had the suspicion, the inkling of a feeling, that my best friendmight be right. Months later, I was fired. From Page Nine, yes. Just because I refused to be a complete hypocrite. Josie thinks it’s because I wanted to protect my friends. But I also wanted to protect her. I knew she’d be dragged into it. It’d be a matter of time.

NICK: (in a low voice) Ah. Can that be cut? I don’t think—

MATTHEW: Life uprooted. My gut immediately screamed at me. A part of me knew where I wanted to go. To her. Before I knew what I was doing, I was calling my best friend. Asking for a favor. (brief pause) The ten hours of driving I spent convincing myself that I was being an idiot. A fool. What was I even doing? Then I finally saw her. In the flesh. And as much as I tried not to build her up in my head, as much as I’d told myself not to be a fool, that there aren’t such things as soul mates, or fate, or love at first sight, there she was. In a fucking face mask, a towel wrapped around her hair and a robe covered in strawberry jam, while she stood in the middle of the strangest fucking situation I’d ever stumbled upon. And I kept looking at her eyes, gut telling me something I couldn’t understand, something I couldn’t quite piece together. I was so fucking tired that night. Dead on my feet. And I hadn’t recognized her, you see. Not right away. I hadn’t immediately known it was her. I was so furious at myself. You have no idea. In an instant I’d gone from having a chance, a clean slate to see if my grandmother’s words were a fantasy or nothing more than words an old woman brought with her from a past life, to having none of that. She was asking me to play her fiancé. To act like we were in love to make some PR shit go away. But the moment I agreed, I knew she’d think all I did was pretend.

I knew she’d push me away. Eventually. I’ve watched enough movies and read enough books to know everything would get too complicated. Too hard to discern what was true from what was fake. Hell, I worked in a world that profited from that. By some miracle, I managed to make her see past that and fall in love with me. I showed her I’m giving chase, I’m not letting her run on me, or push me away. And yet, when she heard that you would tempt me with money or job offers or a raise, I saw it right there. In her eyes. The doubt.

That’s why I’m really here. Not because she asked me to tell the truth and put all of this to rest. But to tell you to show the decency you love to brag about. To tell her, the world, to show her that there’s nothing to choose. There’s no settling, sacrificing, or molding myself to anything. Dear God, this is what those men, what Andrew Underwood, what you two with this bullshit you call entertainment, have led her to believe. That she’s either meant to leave or be left. Goddamn fools, all of them. I’d personally thank them if I didn’t want to break their teeth for not seeing what was in front of them.

Luckily for me, I’m not them. I’m not changing my life for her. I’m not settling. I’m not sitting here and telling you anyone’s story over mine. I’m not choosing her over something else. I can’t because there was never a choice. I don’t give a shit how corny or cliché this sounds, but I knew when I saw her, and I know now more than ever before. I don’t need her to walk down an aisle, wear my ring, or sign her name on a dotted line. She’s my happy. The rest is only important when you need it and everyone should fucking know that.

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