Page 88 of The Fiance Dilemma

My heart tripped over itself.

I… was struggling to keep myself from… From what? From asking him to take all of that back? From asking him to expand, to tell me that he wants some of that space in my heart? From jumping in his lap and just…

“Then we’ll find you something else,” I told him. “Something as far away from gossip and tabloids and podcasts as we can go. You’reincredibly smart, Matthew. Determined, too. And the fact that you have a moral compass is a good thing.” Something flashed in his eyes. Was that hurt? I averted my gaze for a moment. “You tried to make the best out of a situation that was out of your control. You said no. You protected Adalyn and Cameron. And then you protected me too. Because I needed you. Like you said.”

His gaze dipped to the space between us. And I realized I’d been fidgeting. No, shaking. My hands were shaking. He clasped them, gently but tightly, with that emotion I’d been seeing in his eyes. The one that made it impossible for me look away. I felt his thumb graze the ring. And I’d become so used to the weight, its presence, that him touching it felt as if he was touching a part of me.

“It was my grandma’s engagement ring,” he said, and I swore I stopped breathing. “My grandpa made a couple of modifications before proposing to her. The stone at the center was the color of her eyes. It’s not that rare to have it there, but it usually is a solid heart.”

Something thundered in my chest. I’d figured it was a family heirloom. Of course I had. But this? This I hadn’t expected. “It’s beautiful,” I breathed out. “I wasn’t lying when I said that.”

“It’s beautiful on you.”

My heart fluttered. But I had to keep it down. I had to try not to ruin this. Us. Whatever that was. I didn’t want whatever was in his eyes to go away. “The first thing I thought when you gave it to me was how hard it’ll be to part with it.”

Matthew’s eyes held mine, intently, urgently, unsaid words that made me regret my own staring back at me. “You’ve been wearing it upside down,” he said. He held my hand higher. Impossibly gently too. “According to my grandma, the heart should be facing toward you. To indicate you’re taken. She said some people wait to be married to turn it around, but that Flanagans never did.” My chest squeezed, a tide of emotion rising, flooding everything in its wake. “Not saying anything has been driving me insane.”

Neither of us spoke.

I’d come here to help Matthew find a job, with the promise of making this afternoon about him, and I’d somehow ended up sitting under the weight of his gaze, more preoccupied with the way he was makingmefeel. The way my ears seemed to ring with something that demanded to be heard. The way my chest moved up and down.

We were engaged, but I wasn’t his. He wasn’t mine. We had rules and were not getting married.

It was us who were backward. Facing the other way. Not the ring.

Would he turn it, then? Make the heart point the right way? Would I turn this whole thing around? Could I?

Matthew’s grasp changed. His thumb and index finger closed around my finger, gently, decisively. The air in my lungs seized. “Josie,” he whispered, voice hushed. Low. “Christ,” he cursed, huffing out a laugh. “The ring’s facing the wrong way,” he repeated. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

My heart cartwheeled, pirouetting around my chest. I wanted to nod yes, of course I understood, but I was overcome. This was all so backward I couldn’t even breathe. I couldn’t even make sense of how to speak. My lips parted.

A phone rang.

It wasn’t loud, but it startled me.

Matthew’s gaze remained on me. Set. Waiting.

“You should get that,” I finally managed to say.

“It’s my sister,” he answered, body still, studying me. “Tay. She can wait. She’s been calling all day.”

All those questions I’d had about his family resurfaced, grounding me. Sobering me up. “It sounds important,” I told him. It cost me a great deal, an intricate part of me, but I pulled my hand away. “I’ll go.”

Matthew frowned. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Once again, I forced myself to speak words I didn’t want to say.“They don’t know about me, do they? About this being a lie? They think I’m the woman in the press, because I asked you to lie to them. I asked you to lie to everyone as much as you made me believe it was a call we were both making.” I made myself smile, even though I felt horrible and ugly and undeserving of the way he looked at me. The ring on my finger. “It’s okay. It really is. I just think I should go and you should talk to your sister. I’ll leave all of this here, okay?”

His lips thinned. And he stared at me, deep in thought, that emotion still clear and bright in the brown of his eyes. My smile wavered, turning a little crooked in a way that couldn’t be cute. I jumped off the stool and brushed a kiss on his cheek.

“New rule,” he said, the words stopping me. “I kiss you.”

My voice came out weakly, tired. I didn’t want a new rule. I didn’t want rules at all. “That’s already one.”

“No.” His head gave a shake. “We don’t just kiss if we must, from now on.I kiss you.I kiss you like I’ve wanted to do for weeks now. Not because we have to, but because I fucking need to.” A breath heaved out of his chest. “Because you need me to. And because you know what it’ll mean, no matter what’s down the line.”

“Matthew,”I started.

But he climbed off the stool and he stepped into me. He set his palm around the back of my neck and brought me to his chest. I realized the moment my cheek touched him, the moment I melted right into him, how much I’d needed it. This. Him.

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