Page 56 of Burn With Me

“Leo and I met in college at a party. I was lonely and in a new city. He made me feel pretty and important. Right from the beginning, we were inseparable. When we weren’t in classes, we were together. After that first semester, we moved in together.” Stopping to take a breath, I turn to the chairs I keep in this greenhouse for the locals and motion for us to sit down. I look at him and continue. “After graduation, I was ready to move back to Boston, but he got accepted into the FBI Academy and begged me to stay there with him. He told me he would put Boston as his top choice after his graduation, so I stayed. He got placed in DC after the academy, and I wasn’t surprised because his whole life was there, but I just figured he just didn’t get his top choice.” I shake my head because it’s so obvious now. “I remember when I asked him, he said it was because he was told he was needed in DC. So, being young and in love, I believed him. That’s how I found myself staying in DC instead of moving back to Boston. I got a job with a home healthcare company and managed one of their offices. It took about a year before I realized what was happening. I noticed we were only hanging out with his work friends. Every time I wanted to see any of my friends from work or college, he would come up with a reason why we couldn’t, even when I said only I had to go. The only people he couldn’t drive out of my life were Pam and the rest of the Sanchezes, and let me tell you, that pissed him off because it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Once he got his first promotion, the verbal abuse really started.” I stop when I hear his sharp intake of breath and see his hands in fists on his lap.

I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see the look of pity I’m used to seeing when I talk about this topic. So I get up and stand by one of the tanks.

Staring into the water, I continue. “It was little comments at first. My hair was never the right color, I didn’t wear enough makeup, or I didn’t dress nice enough. I was ten pounds too heavy, or I worked too much and couldn’t support him the way he needed. This started around the time we bought a townhouse together. I thought it would get better. We owned the house, and we were talking about marriage. It didn’t get better and just kept getting worse.” I didn’t hear him get up from his chair, but he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. I let myself sink into him. “During college, I focused on science-based classes and ended up taking one about agriculture. That class mentioned aquaponics, and the idea stuck with me. One night when Leo was working late and I couldn’t sleep, I looked into it and realized it was something I could do anywhere. So I started small. I grew plants in large pots on our balcony during the summer and started to make plans.” I stop to take a breath because this has never gotten easier to talk about. “One day he heard me talking to Pam about it, and the moment he realized I had an interest that didn’t benefit him, he went immediately for all of my faults, talking about how I could never do it and that it was a stupid idea and that I would embarrass him with my failure.” I pause, trying to breathe through the memories bombarding me. My chest tightens, and I realize a panic attack isn’t far behind.

Luke squeezes his arms around me to help ground me, and he doesn’t realize how much he’s holding me together right now.

I start to go through one of my grounding exercises and find five things I can see.Water. Tomatoes. Wood. Lock pad. Thermostat.

Four things I can touch.Luke. My shirt. Fish. Door handle.

“Take your time, sweetness. I got you. You aren’t alone anymore,” he whispers in my ear, and I breathe him in.

The calm washes over me enough that I can finish the story.

“I believed him and didn’t talk about it until a year later when I was just miserable with my job and life in general. So when he wasn’t home, I went into full planning mode. It started as my backup plan. I had this whole thing planned out down to the business plan and rough sketches of the greenhouse. One night everything came to a head, and he gave me an ultimatum. The farm or him, and I chose the farm. After he stormed out, I called Pam, and she and Sam were on the first flight out of Boston. Between the three of us, we packed up the few belongings I had and stayed in a short-term rental for a year until I got the approval letter for the grant. While I waited for the approval I had it narrowed down to three cities I wanted to build in and Griffin’s Den won. I told Pam I was moving here, and the rest is history.”

We stand in silence for a couple of minutes, with only the noise of the filters filling the space before he speaks. “He’s a fucking idiot. You are a treasure and should be treated as such. He didn’t deserve you. I promise you right here and now that I might make mistakes because I’m not perfect, but I will never make you choose between me and your friends or me and your business. In fact, I’m going to learn anything I can so I can help you in any way you need.”

I turn in his arms to face him and wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m not perfect either. I doubt myself and don’t trust my judgment easily, but I’m going to try.”

“I don’t want perfection, sweetness. I just want you.” He leans forward and gives me the sweetest kiss, slow and full of feelings I haven’t felt in a long time.

After standing there for a couple of minutes just . . . being, he says, “Okay, let’s finish this section of the greenhouse and see if we can figure out what’s going on with the pH levels.” He turns me to face the door of the next section of the greenhouse and smacks my ass as I walk toward where I left my testing kit.

I bend over to grab it, and something catches my eye. I stand up, and my heart stops in my chest. Half the fish in the next tank are dead when they were just fine yesterday morning, and I go into crisis mode.

Twenty-Three

Ameia

Ilook at the tank, and panic claws its way up, but I push it down.

Figure it out now, panic later.

Taking a shaky breath, I look to my left and right. Both sides have empty tanks because we started rotating them more to see if we can figure out what’s happening. I quickly close off the water connection from the fish tank to the plant tanks.

I don’t hear Luke until he is next to me and grabbing my face.

“Sweetness, what’s wrong, and how can I help?” he asks, searching my eyes, and my heart breaks.

My first reaction is to shut him out and focus on my business. It’s my baby, and I’m so used to taking control and doing it alone. But maybe I don’t have to.

“The fish—the fish are mostly dead, and I need to isolate the tank before it ruins the plants.” I suck in air, and my heart is racing.

“Okay, we can move the plants, but I need you to take a breath before you pass out on me,” he says, and I take a breath as he puts his forehead to mine. “That’s my good girl. Now, let’s move some plants.”

“It should be easy with the two of us because I made a board with cut-out holes to keep the trays floating. There’s an empty tank not attached to a fish tank on the other side of the room. I’ll go backward to help guide us.”

We quickly move the plants, and I check the other tanks when I hear voices. I look over my shoulder to see Pam, Abby, Luna, and Kristen walking in.

“What’s going on? Why are you here?” I say, looking at everyone.

“Luke texted and said you might need us, so here we are.” Pam shrugs.

“What happened?” Luna asked.

“At some point between yesterday morning and today, something happened to the fish in this tank. Since this is the public greenhouse portion, it could be anything, but I’ll have to close down to the public to level it out again. Which is no big deal because I don’t make money off this side, but I have to make sure I can isolate the incident and make sure there isn’t something wrong with the fish from the last batch of breeders,” I say, feeling Luke come up behind me.

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