Page 44 of A Twisted Gift

As I step up to him, our toes almost touching, I realize he’s only wearing pants. A dark T-shirt is slung over his shoulder, but most of his torso is on display. This close to the window, I can feel the winter chill seeping in, and I wonder how he’s not cold. The thin fabric of my robe does little to keep me warm, and I feel my nipples harden, although I’m unsure if it’s from the cool air or from my proximity to Erik.

“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

Up close, I realize that he’s gripping his glass so tightly that I’m afraid it’ll break. Gently, I pry it from his fingers and set it on the table next to him.

His hands immediately go to my waist, keeping me at arm’s length even though it looks like it’s killing him to do so. “You don’t have to do this. I told you, you owe me nothing. Who you give yourself to is your decision and yours alone, and you don’t give it out of a sense of obligation or gratitude.”

“Only out of want,” I say. “Right?”

“That’s right.”

I may be nervous, but I know my own feelings. They’ve held true for over a decade.

“And if it is?”

His eyes close as a look of pain takes over his face. “Raina, you need more time. More—”

“I don’t.” Taking one of his hands, I place it on the cover of my journal. “Read this.”

“You brought this when I took you,” he says softly, taking the book and examining it. “What is it?”

“A journal of sorts. Made-up stories. Open it.”

He does, scanning the first page. It’s dated for a decade ago. If I’d gone to school, I would’ve been able to start earlier, but it took me longer than average to learn to read since the person teaching me barely knew how to do it herself.

“You said you thought of me every night,” I say. “Well, I thought of you, too. I kept you in my heart even after my father built that wall. I dreamed of escaping, of finding you. And when I was too scared to actually leave, I wrote about you coming back for me. My secret friend. I missed you, Erik. Ever since the day Father ripped us apart, it’s felt like a piece of my soul has been missing.”

“Raina,” he breathes as he flips through the pages. “You…”

“I loved you before you saved me,” I say softly. “I always have.”

He traces the words on a page halfway through, and he murmurs something I can’t quite catch. Then he’s flipping through again, scanning my writing and shaking his head in disbelief. “They’re all about me. Me and you.”

“That’s right,” I whisper. “You’re what’s gotten me through all these years, just like I did for you. It was like I had this whole secret life in my head, one where we ran off and spent our lives together, just like you said we would.”

Erik shuts the book and sets it on the table next to his glass. “Raina, I…” Grasping my waist, he peppers my face with kisses. “My whole life, I was worried you’d forgotten me, or that you weren’t real. And here you were, just as consumed as I was.”

“Do you get it now?” I loop my arms around his neck the way I’ve seen in the movies. “I love you, Erik. I have my entire life. Not because you saved me or because you were some kind of escape, but because we fit. Because you’re you, and because I’ve always been drawn to you.”

He inhales sharply. “You… God, little rose, say it again.”

“I want you, Erik, in whatever way you’ll give yourself to me.”

Something wild passes through his eyes, dark and fierce, but then he kisses my forehead. When he pulls away, it’s gone, and in its place is the same reverence he looked at me with last night. “I’ve been yours since the moment I laid my eyes on you.” His grip on my waist softens, and his gaze drops to my lips. “I can’t… God, Raina. Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist you?”

“Then don’t. Trust me to know myself and to know my own feelings.” My voice is shaking. I’m not sure what to do from here, and I’m worried I’ll make a fool of myself—worried I already have.

All I know is I want him.

Erik releases a strained breath, leaning down until we’re mere inches apart. “May I?” he asks, cupping my cheek so gently, a direct contrast to the need burning in his eyes seconds ago.

I nod and rise onto my tiptoes, not wanting to wait a second longer. Erik closes the rest of the distance. His lips move against mine hungrily, and my worry about not knowing what to do fades. I just follow his lead, tentatively at first until he releases a deep, broken groan.

Just as I think I’m getting the hang of it, my back hits the wall, and I realize Erik has pushed me here. He presses his body into mine, forcing a closeness I’ve craved for years.

The kiss sets off a series of emotions that slip into my veins, making my entire body tingle. Hope, fear, want, need. It’s like my whole world hinges on this moment. On him. Onus.

What’s best, I think, is that Erik is acting the same way. His hands travel over my body, groping me and pulling me even closer. And the sounds he makes—desperation mixed with finally getting what he’s wanted for so long.

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